Maybe a relationship will end all my problems?

Ashley Wells, Seven, Amber Larson, Wisdom Quarterly; alt-J; Bhikkhu Bodhi; Method PUA

Sex? alt-J Breezeblock: "Please don't go, I love you so!" Reverse makes no sense! See it forward:

Looking for a diversion, an emotional distraction, a personal relationship to fill the void on Paris' "Bridge of Love Locks" over the Seine ("sane"), a popular tourist attraction (kunm.org)

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Oops! - Captain Chaos, you've done it again!

Our teacher Bhikkhu Bodhi once wrote in "The Quest for Meaning" that, just as Nature does not tolerate a vacuum, humans will not tolerate a loss of meaning.

Then to escape the plunge into an abyss of meaninglessness, we grab for anything to immerse ourselves in distractions.

Answer to all my problems: Jeremy!

What do we do? Bhikkhu Bodhi says, We pursue pleasure and power, seek wealth and status, surround ourselves with contraptions, invest our hopes in personal relationships to conceal our inner poverty.

We use our absorption in whatever distractions we can find to help us cope with our psychological VOID. But then this stifles a deeper, more insistent need -- our longing for freedom and peace that does not depend upon anything external.

What if I were to love myself? No!

We don't need a religion, a relationship, or a Revolver (like the Beatles who claimed "happiness is a warm gun").  But we need something!

Maybe "thing" is not the right word for what we need. If we had accomplishments, we'd feel better. We may not need them, but they wouldn't hurt. Maybe we need capabilities. We may not need them (or we may already have them uncovered and untapped), but they wouldn't hurt.

Breaking up is sad not because who we were with was so great, but because we know we're never going to be able to get someone this good again. At least that's what we think in our loss. Maybe what we need is to become Pick Up Artists (PUA) with style, a little substance, and a lot of sex -- but not all crazy like Method or that killer.

 

No, I think LOVE would work, somebody else's love. I have nothing higher to live for! Just like this video, which tells the story of a passionate relationship backwards and forwards:
 

Our Relationship in Forward

Vesak 2014 with Bhikkhu Bodhi at Bodhi Monastery, New Jersey (bodhimonastery.org)

• WEIRD NEWS PHOTO GALLERY
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• Singer Sting: My children won't inherit my wealth!
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• Veteran ignored for 8 years in Psych Facility 
• NOT MY BEACH: Commission to fine rich property owners who illegally block public access to beaches in California The Oakland Tribune reports that the commission has been without the authority to levy fines since its creation in 1976.

TED: Doubt versus Belief (audio)

Seth Auberon, Ashley Wells, Wisdom Quarterly; NPR/TED Staff (NPR.org, 11-24-13); SCPR.org

Believers and Doubters

Why do some of us believe in something greater than ourselves, while others of us do not? Can our doubts bring our beliefs into sharper focus? Or what is the difference between belief and faith? TED speakers, courtesy of Guy Raz and National Public Radio, offer personal perspectives on belief from all ends of the spectrum, from ardent atheists to the devout faithful.

Devil vs. Super Devil ("Family Guy")

First, the daughter of the Christian televangelist Billy Graham, Anne Graham Lotz, speaking for her elderly father on the difference between (rational) belief and (emotional) faith. Lesley Hazleton asks, Is doubt essential to faith? Former Catholic and SNL comedienne Julia Sweeny explores the journey, How does a person go from believer to atheist? Then Alain de Botton asks, What can atheism learn from religion? Finally, Indian Hindu intellectual Devdutt Pattanaik wants to know, Are there any universal beliefs and truths? LISTEN

• Contribute your story to The Moth radio hour (PRX)

Kimberly Reed (themoth.org, 11-12-13)

A high school quarterback leaves Montana as a promising son and returns years later to reveal a shocking secret; a boy from Sierra Leone describes his transformation from innocent child to cold-hearted soldier; a teenage girl discovers how to control her errant parrot; and a construction worker discovers the up-side of his girlfriend’s one-year prison sentence. LISTEN

Storytelling with a Beat

(SnapJudgment.org) American life is much richer and diverse than we usually get to hear on NPR. Host Glynn Washington is doing something, bringing us Snap Judgment's amazing array of stories with extras only available to the podcast audience and the story-behind-the-stories on Facebook.

 

This American Life

(512: House Rules, 11-22-13) Where we live is important. It can dictate the quality of the schools and hospitals we have access to, as well as things we will experience -- like cancer rates, unemployment statistics, or whether the city repairs roads in our neighborhood. On this week's show, stories about "destiny by geography." Much of this story is told to Nancy Updike by ProPublica reporter Nikole Hannah-Jones, whose series on the Fair Housing laws in modern America -- with more stories, research, and interviews — is here.

 

More comedy, more stories:

• WITS: Margaret Cho with Josh Ritter
• RadioLab (startling stories)
• Science Friday (top science news)
• BBC Newshour (a UK look at America)
• BBC World Service (a UK look at the world)
• The World (a BBC-American look)
  
• The Story
• Fresh Air (interviews by Terry Gross)
• Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! (news as comedy)
• Ask Me Another (northern comedy)
• Car Talk (Harvard and MIT car fixers)
• Off-Ramp (local Los Angeles stories)
• A Prairie Home Companion (Garrison Keillor)
• The Splendid Table (foodie gluttony)
• On the Media (incisive look into the medium)
• Latino USA (news with a Latin twist)
• On Being (formerly "Speaking of Faith")
• Take Two Evenings (California stories)
• Bullseye

Intellect, Intelligence, and Intuition (Dr. Ashby)

Amber Larson, CC Liu, Wisdom Quarterly; Dr. Elizabeth Ashby, "Three Mental Faculties" (Buddhist Publication Society, Bodhi Leaves No. 44)

The brain is not the actual source of knowing, just a citta routing station (DK Books)

Three Mental Modes

Emotional is not emotionally intelligent

In Western Buddhist literature we often find intellect and intuition contrasted with one another, usually to the disadvantage of intellect. This is a very short-sighted view, for both are necessary for the understanding and practice of Dharma (Pali, Dhamma).

The intellect is the reasoning faculty in humans. It sees things in their right proportions. It investigates, analyzes, and discriminates. It accumulates knowledge and is inclined to forget that “knowledge” isn’t “wisdom.” Too much stress on intellect produces mental dryness, harsh judgments, and a lack of kindness (mettā) and compassion.

The Buddha's Brain (Hanson)

 Another danger is that investigation may become mere idle speculation. “Speculative views” about the subjects that the Buddha refused to define will lead us into the wilds of skeptical doubt, with all the mental suffering that involves. Another danger is opinionatedness -- the canker (mental defilement) of clinging to views as in the case of certain Brahmins of old who declared: “This alone is the truth; all else is falsehood!”

Therefore one of the early Zen Patriarchs went so far as to say: 

Do not seek after the true;

Only cease to cherish opinions.

 
The cherishing of opinions leads to disputes and to vexation, for we wound one another “with the weapon of the tongue.”
 

Jim Olson studies creativity and the human spirit in medicine proposing to treat cancer with scorpion venom. Those using synthetic chemical poisons and cancer-causing radiation call him crazy (onbeing.org)

Intuition is the faculty that perceives truth without having it demonstrated or explained. It feels the truth before the intellect can grasp it and turn it into concepts. Hence intuition is closely allied to the emotions, and this constitutes a danger because the emotions go hand-in-hand with the imagination, and an imagined “truth” may be mistaken for “real truth.” 

This happens because intuition functions on both the mundane and the transcendental plane (lokuttara). Our intuitions -- our instinctive feelings for and against people or ideas, and our useful “hunches” -- do not mean that we already possess bodhi, the transcendental intuition that “knows according to reality.” 

This mundane intuition can be extremely deceptive and may lead to all kinds of trouble. It has to be examined in the light of a third mental faculty: intelligence. Intelligence is the ability to make skilful (kusala) use of the intellect. Lacking this, both intellect and intuition go astray.

Their emotions are like koans to me, with no easy way to solve their mysteries (CS).

  
All Buddhist schools recognize the part intuition must play in the attainment of wisdom (gnosis) -- that sure certain knowing that “done is what had to be done.” The winning of enlightenment by intellectual means, “the way of the head” (jnana or nyana), is very, very rare, though some of the Great Disciples are known to have done so.

The Zen School in particular stresses the importance of intuition. A great feature of Zen is to accept life as it comes and to make the appropriate response. Note, it is the appropriate or right response. This does not mean acting on the first impulse that comes into one’s head. Most human impulses arise from greed, hate, or delusion [the three roots of all unskillful karma], and it is only the trained disciple who can act both spontaneously and rightly every time.

Impulsive action frequently ends in disaster, as in the case of Don Quixote. More

Breaking Habitual Emotional Patterns (video)

Tamara Levitt, Dhr. Seven, Wisdom Quarterly; Pema Chodron (Great Path)

Life can get draining, emotionally taxing, overwhelming -- if we are full of shenpa. (Mutts)

 

Tamara Levitt (beginwithin.ca)

It has been a great honor receiving emails about my short film "Ode to Failure" and hope more people have the opportunity to view it and share their thoughts.
 
It would be a greater honor to share another piece recorded on breaking habitual thoughts and patterns -- a very difficult feat indeed. But with patience and practice, it has often been possible to accomplish.

With the tools shared, the hope is supporting others in attaining some prajñā (wisdom), a clear seeing of what is really happening. This helps us out of our preconceived storylines.

 

• Working with shenpa in meditation and relaxing with positive groundlessness (basic goodness) from Choosing a Fresh Alternative (Talk 5: Bringing Together Practice with the Teachings, Great Path Tapes and Books, gptapes@aol.com)

Pema Chodron (Huff Post)

A very helpful way to practice getting unstuck from our shenpas (our hooks or addictive nature) is the method of the four R’s shared by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. The four R’s are:

1. Recognizing
2. Refraining
3. Relaxing
4. Resolving.

My video is about how to integrate and work with this invaluable technique.

Know Your "Inner Hooker": Five Ways to Work With Shenpa