A silly SEX article (and sutra)

Ashley Wells, Wisdom Quarterly; Jessica Wakeman (TheFrisky, Feb. 18, 2014)

All of a sudden this [Valentine's Day] weekend, a bunch of friends began passing around the same Business Insider article on Facebook, called “A Beautiful House in Brooklyn is Secretly Being Used for Upscale Sex Parties” by Megan Rose Dickey.

 

Uh oh, I thought, having only read the headline. I immediately knew which house and which parties were being talked about. Some secret! But what exactly does the writer mean, “beautiful” house being used for “upscale” sex parties?

 

Sexy? (thefrisky.com)

Look. I’m a writer. I get the way this author is trying to tell the story: Readers might think things are ONE WAY, but really they are a completely different way! Whoa! Mind blown?! 

It’s a common narrative device (e.g., “Dick Cheney Bottle Feeds Sick Kittens!”) that operates on an assumption most people share (i.e., Dick Cheney is not a nice person). 

 

My issue with the Business Insider piece is the specific assumptions the writer makes. Given how frequently I write about sex, I’m well aware of the sorts of attitudes some people have towards sex-positive folks.

 

Why Charlie quit "50 Shades of Grey"

They usually range from “You’re going to get STDs, sluts!” to “Ewww, why do you have to shove your sexuality in my FACE (but do you maybe want to have cyber-sex later)?” More

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SUTRA: The Conch Trumpet: Illicit Sex

Amber Larson, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Thanissaro (trans.) (SN 42.8)

I swear, I didn't know this person was married! Ugh, get away from me!

 

I'm trying to stop. But my mind pulls me back.

On one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Nalanda in Pavarika Mango Grove.

Then the headman Asibandhakaputta, a disciple of the Niganthas [Jains], arrived, bowed, and sat respectfully to one side. The Blessed One addressed him: "Headman, how does the Nigantha Nataputta [Mahavira, the founder of Jainism] teach dharma to his disciples?"
 
"Venerable sir, the Nigantha Nataputta teaches dharma to his disciples in this way: 'All who take life are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell. All who steal... All who indulge in illicit sex... All who speak falsely* [see the Five Precepts] are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell. Whatever one keeps doing frequently, by that is one led [to a state of rebirth].' That is how he teaches dharma to his disciples."
 

My church is fine with gay rape pederasty.

"If it is true that 'Whatever one keeps doing frequently, by that is one led [to a state of rebirth],' then no one is destined for a state of deprivation or destined for hell in line with the Nigantha Nataputta's words. What do you think, headman? If a person is one who... indulges in illicit sex, then taking into consideration time spent doing and not doing, whether by day or night, which time is more, the time spent indulging in illicit sex or the time not spent indulging in illicit sex?"

"...The time spent not... indulging in illicit sex is certainly more. If it is true that 'Whatever one keeps doing frequently, by that is one led [to a state of rebirth],' then no one is destined for a state of deprivation or destined for hell in line with the Nigantha Nataputta's words."...
 
"Headman, there is a case where a certain teacher holds this doctrine, holds this view: 'All who take life are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell. All who steal... All who indulge in illicit sex... All who speak falsely are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell.' A disciple has faith in that teacher, and the thought occurs, 'Our teacher holds this doctrine, holds this view: "All who [do these things] are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell." There are living beings I have killed. I, too, am destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell.' One clings to that view. If one does not abandon that doctrine, does not abandon that state of mind, does not relinquish that [wrong] view, then just as if one were to be carried off and placed there, one will be [reborn] in hell.
 

"My body, my rules"! I'm naked and loving it!

"[The thought occurs,] 'Our teacher holds this doctrine, holds this view: 'All who steal... All who indulge in illicit sex... All who speak falsely are destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell.' There are [such actions] I have done. I, too, am destined for a state of deprivation, destined for hell.' One cling to that view....
 
"There is the case, headman, where a Wayfarer (Tathagata) appears in the world, worthy and rightly self-awakened, consummate in knowledge and [proper] conduct, well-gone, a knower of the universe, unexcelled trainer of those to be tamed, teacher of human beings and devas, enlightened, blessed. He in various ways criticizes and censures [unwholesome karma] and says, 'Abstain from [it].'...
 
"A disciple has faith in that teacher and reflects: 'The Blessed One in a variety of ways criticizes and censures [unwholesome karma like indulging in illicit sex] and says, "Abstain from [it]." There are living beings I have [harmed], to a greater or lesser extent. That was not right. That was not good. But if I become remorseful for that reason, that unskillful deed of mine will not [thereby] be undone.' So, reflecting in this way, a disciple abandons right then [such unprofitable actions, such unskillful karma] and in the future refrains from [it]. This is how there comes to be the abandoning of that harmful action (karma). This is how there comes to be the transcending of that harmful action. ...

• *UNSKILLFUL DEEDS: killing, stealing, sexual misconduct. FALSE SPEECH (unskillful verbal actions): perjury, divisive speech, harsh speech, and idle chatter. UNSKILLFUL MENTAL KARMA: covetousness (greed), ill will (anger, hate), wrong views (delusion).

Buddhism is for museums! What has it to do with me? (Mark Kamermans/pomax/flickr)

  
"A disciple of the noble ones (ariya pugala), headman -- thus devoid of covetousness, devoid of ill will, unbewildered, alert, mindful -- keeps pervading first one direction [the east] with loving kindness, likewise the second direction, likewise the third, likewise the fourth. So above, below, and all around, everywhere, in all directions, one keeps pervading the all-encompassing universe with an loving kindness -- abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free of hostility, free of ill will.

"Just as a strong conch-trumpet blower can call out in four [cardinal] directions without any difficulty, in the same way, when one finds temporary liberation through loving kindness, it is developed, pursued, and any deed done to a limited extent no longer remains there, no longer stays there [no longer obstructs and hinders one].
 

Buddhism is ancient but ever useful (Boonlieng/flickr)

"That disciple of the noble ones -- devoid of covetousness, devoid of ill will, unbewildered, alert, mindful -- keeps pervading first one direction with loving kindness (metta), compassion... appreciation... and equanimity. And likewise the second direction, the third, the fourth. So above, below, and all around, everywhere, in all directions, one keeps pervading the all-encompassing universe with a mind/heart full of loving kindness... compassion... appreciation... and equanimity -- abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free of hostility, free of ill will.

When this was said, the headman Asibandhakaputta, a disciple of the Niganthas, said to the Blessed One: "Magnificent, venerable sir, magnificent! It is just as if one were to set upright what was overturned, or to reveal what was hidden, or to point out the way to one who was lost, or to carry a lamp into the dark so that those with eyes could see forms! In the same way has the Blessed One -- through many lines of reasoning -- made the dharma clear. I go to the Blessed One for guidance, to the Dharma, and to the enlightened Community [all stream enterers and others destined for certain enlightenment within seven lives, conventionally thought of as the Monastic Order, the noble Sangha]. May the Blessed One remember me as a lay follower who has gone for guidance from this day forward for life!"

• See MN 21; MN 101; SN 42.9; AN 3.33; AN 3.65; AN 3.99

KARMA: BUDDHISM vs. JAINISM

*Jains (Niganthas), like Buddhists, teach a doctrine of karma -- the moral consequences of actions. But the teachings of the two traditions differ in many important details. This sutra points out two of the major differences. The Buddhist teaching is distinctive in its understanding of the complexity of the karmic process, and its application of that understanding to the psychology of teaching is different, too. The Buddha says that a simplistic, fatalistic view of karma is logically inconsistent and leads to unfortunate results for any person who, with a background of bad karma, believes in it/holds this wrong view. The full complexity of karma, however, allows for a way in which past harmful deeds can be overcome: By refraining from unskillful karma now and the future, developing instead expansive mind-states of kindness, compassion, appreciation, and equanimity (the Four "Divine Abidings"). In such a state, the unavoidable consequences of past harmful actions counts for next to nothing. The Buddha also shows how his teaching exceeds that of the Jains in that it actually helps free the mind/heart from debilitating feelings of guilt and remorse and leads to the overcoming of past karma. (See Karma and the Ending of Karma for more details).

Does West have monopoly on romantic love?

Ashley Wells, CC Liu, Pat Macpherson, Seth Auberon (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Catherine Winter (The Really Big Questions, The World, pri.org); "Big Bang Theory"  VALENTINE'S DAY

Finally, "Big Bang Theory" lives up to its name as Raj and Penny fall into each other's arms.

"The roof (brain), the roof, the roof is on fire!" explains the Bloodhound Gang (salon.com)

 

Romans/Greeks knew "Desire."

Is romantic love a universal emotion? In the West it often seems we live, die, and even kill for love.

(We have "Nothing Higher to Live For"? A Buddhist View of Romantic Love).

Love is passionate, foolish, and cherished. But in many cultures, arranged marriages are the norm. And romantic love is, well, disruptive. It turns out people across the globe feel romantic love, but they do not necessarily act on it.

Yes, people around the world fall in love. That seems like an obvious truth today, but it used to be quite controversial in the social sciences.

"Love feels like you're walking on a beach hearing the sound of waving coming over and over and over again while your feet is touching the sand softly." - Suzette Chu, 30, Shanghai

 

Tell the World in a tee (SpencerFinnley/flickr)

In fact, some scholars still believe that romantic love was invented by European troubadours in the Middle Ages, and that people outside of the Western tradition do not really experience it.
 

“We decided to see if that was true,” says anthropologist Ted Fischer, who teaches at Vanderbilt University.

 

Oh, this is what they're talking about? They think we didn't know about this? (Dan Zen/flickr)

 

In 1992, he and William Jankowiak, an anthropologist at the University of Nevada Las Vegas, did a survey of anthropological research on 166 different cultures around the world.

 

“We looked for evidence of romantic love, and that could have been love poetry, or elopements, or just general descriptions of what we’d consider to be romantic love,” Fischer says. “And we found it in an overwhelming majority of cultures.”

We're gay. State mandates you accept it (TW).

Fischer says in the few places where they didn’t find evidence of love, the anthropologists who did the original studies were not looking for the factors he and Jankowiak were looking for. 

 

So elopements or love-related suicides might have occurred and just not been noted.

 

“So we thought it’s very likely romantic love is found in all cultures,” he says.

 

Jankowiak and Fischer’s paper made a big splash, and today it’s widely accepted that people in cultures outside of the West experience romantic love. More

  

(BBT) Penny finally hits on Sheldon, America's favorite nerd!

Worshiping a "devil" on Valentine's Day

Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ven. Bhante, Wisdom Quarterly (COMMENTARY)

We don't like to admit it, but whom do we "worship" on Valentine's Day? Surely, it is not Roman "Saint Valentine" or even the great Italian-American actor Valentino. Is it Clark Gable, Clark Kent, Sofia Vergara, Lady Gaga?

No, since the time of the ancient Romans and Greeks it is a menace in the form of a comely child -- Cupid (cupido, "desire," aka Eros).  
 
"Cupid" in Buddhism is Mara Devaputra, the angelic beguiler, the Lucifer figure, the great Satan when he's angry, the puckish mischief maker when he's out to besot our vulnerable hearts.

Cupid/Mara (wikimedia.org)

Ancient India recognized "Cupid" as Kama-deva (the Indian personification of "sensual desire" called kama as in the famous Hindu classic the Kama Sutra). And many Hindus must give in to Western temptation because of modern American hegemony and the ancient Greco-Romans, which as Bactria/Afghanistan overlapped on northwestern India (Gandhara) many centuries ago.

What does Mara, the great tempter and discourager in Buddhism, want? It is not that living beings fall into the hells or to be tested for the god (Great Brahma). No, his terrible aim is that living beings remain distracted from liberation, freedom, enlightenment, and nirvana and instead wallowing in ever-disappointing sensuality. 

Thx, Catty Purry, you're doing Mara's work!

So from a modest celestial world or heaven in the "Sensual Sphere" (Kama Loka), Mara/Cupid/the Devil makes it his business to keep everyone tempted and running around like Greek and Roman godlings, filled with lust, pride, jealousy, envy, and avarice. This deviant artist captures it:

Greek "Cupid" (aka Roman "Eros") is prominent in the pantheon (Wandering 39 Soul)

Hey, don't judge. The third wheel is still a wheel, and as long as everybody knows. ;-)

   

Language?

Americans lust (Status Fitness Mag)

QUESTION (Robert Thomas): I read a book about the occupation of Japan after WWII. I became suspicious that the emphasis placed by the author on what even then seemed to me to be a simplistic understanding of the idea of the Japanese emperor as a Shinto "divinity" (kami).
 

Understanding of this cultural and spiritual idea (Showa emperors and their place in superstitious Shinto beliefs) is better explained in English texts these days. But it struck me back then that words such as "divine" were likely to have been translated poorly, by persons with little sociological (much less, theological) understanding, to the point that the translated description of their meaning was useless. 

 

Why should we accept that Mandarin-speaking people and English-speaking people have the same thing in mind at all when talking about "romantic love"? How is this not utterly contingent on the competence of translators?

(Big Bang Theory) Yoga, Penny, and Sheldon, the Third Wheel

   

ANSWER (Catherine Winter): Xiaomeng Xu addressed the language question when we talked to her. She said researchers wondered the same thing, but even taking into account language differences, cultural differences showed up on surveys. She called [the] findings "robust." In surveys, people in Eastern countries are more likely to stress negative aspects of love, such as jealousy and heartbreak, than Westerners are. We Westerners tend to have a rosier view of love.
 

Flaming love in Tibet

Producer Matthew Bell (PRI's The World, Feb. 11, 2014)

Jampa Yeshi, 3-26-12 (globalpost.com)

When a 29 year-old Tibetan Buddhist man set himself on fire (another misguided self-immolation) earlier this month to protest cruel Chinese rule there, he was among more than 100 who have chosen this form of shocking suicidal protest. The world might not have heard of any of them except for the writing of blogger Tsering Woeser.
 

Tibetan writer Tsering Woeser on a visit home

Woeser grew up in Tibet, but she now lives in Beijing with her Chinese husband. Catching up with her there in November, she had just returned from a three month trip to Lhasa, the capital of China's Tibet Autonomous Region. LISTEN

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How To Succeed at Speed Dating (video)

Dev, Kelly, Wisdom Quarterly; Hurry Adele (HurryDate.com); Metro.net; Allison Armstrong

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, Brown University presents us with a chance to make personal connections in less time than it takes to read this with not one but two speed dating events. Blog Daily Herald has eight useful tips for speed dating More

On Valentine's Day Metro is pleased to present...Speed Dating! Speed Dating on the Red Line On Valentine's Day Metro Los Angeles (train system) is pleased to present SPEED DATING on the Red Line! It will take place from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm on Friday, Feb. 14, 2014. Metro staff will be at seven Red Line stations to tell everyone how. Register in advance. Whether you believe love is a matter of “fate” or coincidence, luck or strategy, you can have your own “meet someone cute” moment by participating in Speed Dating L.A. style. Try it on a shiny train that's moving on smoggy tracks while you dodge deranged bums, insufferable hipsters, and the great mass of weirdos we call “neighbor” or would would call if anyone spoke to anybody else. Try smiling first. That's life in the Big City. Just ask Steve Hymon (thesource.metro.net). More   Life in Los Angeles riding the Metro (2:00 minute flick)

This educational video addresses the topic of "speed dating." It was shot for Oxford University Press for a video textbook. After learning the basics, dive in. Sign up for a speed dating party at HurryDate.com

 

(Aware Show) Alison Armstrong on celebrating men, satisfying women

(Mike Reynolds) Men, learn how to be charming in 7 steps

How to find love on OkCupid, Match (audio)

Ashley Wells, Amber Larson, Seth Auberon, CC Liu, Wisdom Quarterly; Caitlin Roper (Senior Ed., wired.com); "AirTalk" (SCPR.org, Can a few words turn us into successful online daters?)

What? We met online! It's like we've known each other for years. Miley is our role model!

   

Annoying Ugly Duckling transformed. Who?

Trying to look attractive on online dating profiles? Take up yoga or surfing.
 
According to WIRED’s analysis of “massive amounts of data” from popular dating sites OkCupid and Match.com, what people say in their profiles may play a role in how attractive other users find them to be. (Continued with audio below this simple How To).
 
How To Score Dates on Match.com
Agatha Thornbush, Guest Contributor

10. Tell them right up front: "NO DRAMA!!!"

First, set your standards high. Way high. It's like my firstborn's father used to say, "Aim for the stars to hit the moon." Second, be firm. Stand your ground. Don't let anybody cross your boundaries. Three, set boundaries. You've got to tell him/her right on the first date. I didn't pay Match.com good money to date a scrub. Fourth, go light on the pictures. God knows, if they're really interested, they'll wait. Whose going to want to buy Coca-Cola in cans when he/she can get Pepsi in plastic? Think. D'uh. Fifth, don't wear your heart on your shoulder. But a chip is OK. Six, make sure there grammer is impecable. 

Think his dialing finger broke?

Six, don't ask about money or a job. But keep an eye on their shoes and where they take you. That'll tell you ALL you need to know. I'm out to protect myself. Seven, make your expectations known right up front. Speak your mind; don't edit. Do you have time to waste? Because I don't have time to waste! If you don't want commitment, marriage, a house, kids, and all of it on my internal-clock's schedule, why are you wasting my time? Eighth, read The Secret and Law of Attraction, and Cosmo, and let the man chase. There are plenty of fish in the sea. What makes you think you're so special? The same probably holds true for thespians. Ninth, find me on Match, J Date, Christian Singles, Buddhist Singles, Agnostic Singles, or Catpeople for Catpeople, and let me know how it goes. Remember, "My package, my rules!" It's a lot of steps, but here they are all summarized in this short instructional video:

WARNING: Corporate situations, sexual references, language, Riff Raff!

 

In the good old days, no one had sex. Wink

A hard look at the 1,000 most popular words on the site and how attractive the people who use them are rated shows that the “hottest” men talk about oceans, breakfast, and live music.
 
The women mention fitness, Radiohead, and fashion. Attractive people of both genders overwhelmingly mention yoga, surfing, and London [associated with well heeled travel or the London Olympics?]
 
Another common theme for the most attractive online daters is some breaking of gender norms: Women interested in technology and men who mention crafting are rated very attractive.
 

That's? No way! Yes way. (DailyMail.co.uk)

Are we a culture of "Karma Police" listening, yoga enjoying, Anglophiles?
 
Is the dating pool on sites like OkCupid and Match self-selecting? Does online attractiveness translate to in-person chemistry?

• LISTEN NOW: AUDIO (19:29)

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Maybe whom we meet is due to our "Karma Police" - Ashley
 

The Agatha System worked!! Wait, these are just pics of pen*ses. WT*? (F.J. Brown)