Zen monks risk death on extraordinary journey

Pat Macpherson, Dhr. Seven, Wisdom Quarterly; Journeyman.TV (Journeyman Pictures)

The Monks Risking Death On An Extraordinary Journey (Produced by ABC Australia. Ref - 2471)

The lionized Bodhidharma

The "Marathon Monks" of Japan undertake a perilous journey to "enlightenment" (satori, which is not enlightenment in Zen or kenshō but only an "epiphany") -- choosing suicide if they fail to complete the journey, and often dying en route. 

The world's greatest athletes may well live on top of a sacred mountain in Japan. As part of their spiritual training, the monks run 84 km every day for over three months.

 

"First Day of Zen Garden School" (Dan Piraro/bizarrocomics.com)

 
Genshin Fujinami runs through the forest for 17 hours every day. His straw sandals offer him little protection from the venomous snakes and jagged rocks. His feet are blistered and bruised.

But if he stops, he would be obliged to immediately kill himself (in a foolish act of hari kari or honor killing to save face).

What endogenous drugs are created by asceticism?

"You must think positively," he explains. "I cannot allow myself to think, 'What if?'" The grueling Kaihygo is the conclusion of seven years of training. He must also go nine days without food, water, or sleep. If he completes the quest, he will become a living "saint."

But only 46 monks have completed it in the last four centuries, and fewer and fewer people are attempting it.

[These are the ascetic extremes the Buddha warned about, self-mortification, the clinging to rites and rituals as if they could ever lead to actual enlightenment. The way to enlightenment is calm-and-insight (systematic contemplation founded on profound concentration), nothing more, nothing less.]

"Japanese culture is gradually dying away," Fujinami laments. The monks may have a wonderful history, but their future is one of uncertainty.

  

Journeyman Pictures is an independent source for the world's most powerful films, exploring the burning issues of the day. It brings out stories from the world's top producers, with new content coming in all the time. Its channel has outstanding and controversial journalism covering almost all global subjects imaginable.

You're too "clingy" (cartoon)

Dhr. Seven, Crystal Quintero, Amber Larson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Nyanatiloka

I don't know what I'm doing wrong in relationship after relationship, searching for...

(Family Guy/Hulu) As clingy as a baby at the bosom is Stewie as Brian tries to cling to Drew

Starts off fun, gets to be too much.

Crystal, is clinging a problem in life? It is in Ashley's life; she has been known to get quite clingy. Ask her. But you? Not me so much, but guys I've dated. What do they do? You know how Brian once went on that reality dating show as a contestant then became infatuated with the bachelorette? Yes, exactly, I get it. He would leave all these phone messages and not get the hint to naff off. 

Brian the clingy bachelor (Family Guy)

"Clinging" (upādāna), according to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), is a pathetic and intensified degree of craving. The opposite is the "extinction of craving," which is identical with the "extinction of defilements" (āsavakkhaya), which is the attainment of full enlightenment or arhatship. (See noble persons).

There are four kinds of clinging that prevent enlightenment:

1. sensual clinging (kāma-upādāna),
2. clinging to views (ditthi-upādāna),
3. clinging to mere rules and rituals (sīlabbata-upādāna),
4. clinging to personality-belief (atta-vāda-upādāna).

(1) "What now is sensual clinging? Whatever with regard to sense objects there exists of sensual lust, sensual craving, sensual attachment, sensual passion, sensual delusion, sensual fetters (bonds of desire): this is called 'sensual clinging.'

Owner of a lonely heart? Try clinging to sensuality. It will disappoint, but what else are you going to do to overcome the empty feeling in your core and the body's cravings? Invest?

 
(2) ''What is the clinging to views? 'Alms and offerings are useless; there is no fruit or result for good and bad deeds: all such views and wrong opinions are called the clinging to views.

(3) "What is the clinging to mere rules and rituals? The holding firmly to the view that through mere rules (vows, precepts, discipline) and rituals (observances) one may reach enlightenment: this is called the clinging to mere rules and rituals.

• [NOTE: the way to enlightenment and nirvana is liberating-insight, made possible by the Noble Eightfold Path, not mere observance of ceremonies, celebrations, superstitions, magic, abstinences, or austerities, which may aid one along the way but cannot possibly in and of themselves bring about enlightenment.]

(4) "What is the clinging to personality-belief? The 20 kinds of ego-views with regard to the aggregates of existence (see sakkāya-ditthi): these are called the clinging to personality-belief" (Dhs.1214-17).

Not going to get all clingy, are you? - I'm not even going to call you tomorrow. - Good.

.

Heart Sutra: immaculate heart free of clinging

This traditional fourfold division of clinging is unsatisfactory. Besides sensual (kama) clinging we would expect either clinging to form or materiality (rūpa) and clinging to formlessness or immateriality (arūpa), or simply clinging to continued existence (continued becoming, bhava-upādāna).

Although the non-returner, the third of the four stages of enlightenment, is entirely free from the traditional four kinds of clinging, that person is not yet free of rebirth, as one still possesses clinging to continued becoming, the deep desire for rebirth on other planes even though one grasps that they are illusory, marked by Three Characteristics of Existence, namely, that they are impersonal, impermanent, and never able to satisfy one's desires.

The Commentary to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), in trying to get out of this dilemma, explains "sense clinging" as including here all of the remaining kinds of clinging.

"Clinging" is the common rendering for the Pali/Sanskrit term upādāna, but "grasping" would come closer to the literal meaning of it, which is "uptake" after craving it. See the Three Cardinal Discourses (Wheel No. 17), p.19.

"Family Guy" the Very First Episode

(Workard) Life in modern suburban USA as brought to us by Seth Macfarlane and the many writers of and contributors to "Family Guy." This is the pilot or unofficial first episode, the prequel. The "official" first episode was a remake of it.

Craving, motherhood, and rebirth (sutra)

Amber Larson, Dhr. Seven, Crystal Quintero, Wisdom Quarterly, Mata Sutta (SN 15.14-19)

There are better ways to be pregnant, to deliver, and to mother (Nirrimi Firebrace/NM)

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Craving is our first mother (Rudi'Peni)

Thus have I heard. At one time the Blessed One was staying in Savatthi when he proclaimed:

"Rebirth (again becoming, this continued wandering on through samsara -- a process which is impermanent, impersonal, and unsatisfactory) runs far back into an incomprehensible past. Yet no beginning point is discerned when beings -- hindered by ignorance, ensnared by craving, [and inflamed by aversion manifesting as anger and fear] -- set off on this wandering.

 

"So long has this wandering been going on that it is difficult to come across any being who has not already been one's mother, father, sister, brother, son, and daughter at some time in the past.

 

"And why is that?

"Rebirth (or the "continued wandering on" that is samsara) runs far back into an incomprehensible past. Yet no beginning point is to be discerned when beings -- hindered by ignorance, ensnared by craving -- set off on this wandering [this journey through time and place, this continued wandering on in search of pleasure now here, now there, in search of final satisfaction, fulfillment, security].

These three things are true.

"Long have we all experienced suffering (disappointment, dissatisfaction, distress), experienced pain, experienced loss (separation from the loved), swelling up cemeteries -- long enough to become disenchanted with all formations (conditional phenomena, composite things, i.e., Five Aggregates of Clinging), enough to become dispassionate, enough to be liberated."

Motherhood
But motherhood is the most beautiful thing

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Ajahn Brahm: Letting Go vs. Clinging (video)

Seth Auberon, Amber Larson, Dhr. Seven, Ashley Wells (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ajahn Brahm (BuddhistSocietyWA); Ven. Nyanatiloka, Buddhist Dictionary: Manual of Doctrines and Terms

(Poh Ming Tse Temple, 2014) Ajahn Brahm: Freeing Our Minds from Our Mental Prisons

Ven. Ajahn Brahm, an ennobled and very humorous Western monk who emerged from the Thai Forest Tradition in Isan under Ajahn Chah, now lives and teaches in Australia. He had just come from teaching at a retreat when he chose to explore ways of letting go in the Buddha's teaching. Indeed, there is danger in clinging (upadana) and liberation in letting go, internally renouncing, and freeing ourselves from suffering.

Orange is the new black, but for free robes not bound jumpsuits (dreamstime.com).

Prison is a scary place yet not nearly as fearful as our mental prisons, ones we've created as terrifying places we are imprisoned even as we walk around free to do as we like. In this video teaching by the ennobled and humorous Western Theravada monk, brought to us by the Buddhist Congress and Angulimala Fellowship, Ajahn Brahm shares his insights and wisdom on the most important prison break we can attempt. It is peppered throughout with the distinctive flavor of Ajahn Brahmavamso's trademark humor. See video below from 2010 when he began this thread.

MENTAL PRISON: Some of us are as tortured and trapped as prisoners in prison cells.

 

Non-clinging (nekkhamma) is a Buddhist Pali term translated as "the pleasure of letting go" or "renunciation." It conveys, more specifically, "giving up worldliness and leading a higher life" or "freedom from crippling lust, craving, and addictions." In the Noble Eightfold Path, it is the first practice associated with "Right Intention."

In the Theravada list, it is the third of the Ten Perfections, involving non-attachment and non-clinging to suffering. How do we cling to suffering? The root of our self-injury is clinging to the Five Aggregates, to wrong views of self.

Milarepa's Tibetan Vajrayana writings are canonical Mahayana Buddhist texts that emphasize the temporary nature of the physical body and the need for non-attachment.

 

Non-clinging is also a central concept in Zen Buddhist philosophy. One of the most important technical Chinese terms for "non clinging" is wú niàn (無念), which literally means "no thought." This does not signify the literal absence of thought, but rather not clinging to or identifying with thought, the state of being "unstained" (bù rán 不染) by thought -- like a lotus flower born in water and grown up in water rising above water and remaining unstained by water.

Therefore, non-clinging is being detached from one's thoughts. That is, it is to separate oneself from one's thoughts and opinions [of course, they are not actually one's own] in detail as to not be harmed mentally and emotionally by them (see The Platform Sutra of the Sixth Patriarch translated by Philip B. Yampolsky).

I can do this monastic stint standing on my head...because I'm free (annenbergproject.org)

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"Freedom from sensual lust"

Ven. Nyanatiloka, Buddhist Dictionary: Manual of Doctrines and Terms

Gokyo Ri peak (Hendrik Terbeck/flickr)

The real meaning of "renunciation" (nekkhamma) is an internal act not an external one.

It is not by shaving one's head and face and donning saffron robes that one moves toward enlightenment (bodhi, awakening) and nirvana (moksha, liberation from all suffering). There are many monastics who yet cling and are therefore no closer to freedom than householders).

The word is apparently derived from nir + Ö kram, "to go forth (into the wandering, left-home-life of an ascetic)." But in Pali language texts, this term is nevertheless used as if it were derived from lust (kāma as in Kama Sutra) and always as an antonym to kāma (craving for sensuality). 

It is one of the Ten Perfections (pāramīs or pāramitās as in the Prajna Paramita, the famous "Perfection of Wisdom" literature).

  

Nekkhama-sankappa, the "intention of renunciation" -- thoughts free of lust, thoughts of renunciation, is one of the three kinds of right intention or right thought (sammā-sankappa), the second factor in the Noble Eightfold Path (see Magga, 2), its antonym being kāma-sankappa, lustful thoughts and intentions.

Four Ways to Let Go and Get Free

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What is clinging?

Maitreya Buddha, Gandhara (wiki)

"Clinging," according to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), is an intensified degree of craving. The four kinds of clinging are:

1. sensual clinging,
2. clinging to views,
3. clinging to mere rules and rituals [as if they could ever in and of themselves lead to or result in enlightenment],
4. clinging to personality-belief.

(1) "What now is sensual clinging? Whatever with regard to sensuous objects there exists of sensuous lust, sensuous desire, sensuous attachment, sensuous passion, sensuous delusion, sensuous fetters, this is called sensual clinging.

 

(2) ''What is clinging to views? 'Alms and offerings are useless [without karmic benefit to the giver]; there is no fruit and result for skillful and unskillful deeds: all such views and misconceptions are called clinging to [wrong] views.

(3) "What is clinging to mere rules and rituals? Holding firmly to the view that through [the observance of] mere rules and rituals one may reach purification [enlightenment and liberation, bodhi and nirvana), this is called clinging to mere rules and rituals.

 

(4) "What is clinging to personality-belief? The 20 kinds of ego-views [beliefs about self, identity, ego] with regard to the groups of existence, these are called clinging to personality-belief" (Dhs.1214-17).

 

This traditional fourfold division of clinging is unsatisfactory. Besides clinging to lustful objects of the sense, we would expect either clinging to fine material spheres and immaterial spheres of existence or simply clinging to continued existence (bhava-upādāna, continued being, which can never be static, and is therefore translated as becoming).

Although a non-returner, a person who has gained the third stage of enlightenment, is entirely free of the traditional four kinds of clinging, that person is not yet freed from rebirth, as one still possesses clinging to continued-becoming. The Commentary to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), trying to get out of this dilemma, explains sensual clinging as including here all the remaining kinds of clinging.

 

"Clinging" is the common rendering for upādāna, but "grasping" would come closer to the literal meaning of it, which is "uptake" or the habit of repetitive craving; see Three Cardinal Discourses (Wheel 17), p.19.

34th Lotus Festival, Los Angeles (sutra)

Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven, Pat Macpherson, CC Liu, Wisdom Quarterly; Carlos Lozano, Marisa Gerber (latimes.com); John D. Ireland (SN 22:94); Andrew Olendzki (Thag 15.2); Black Flag

Devas like Radha Devi are rejoicing as the scent of spring wafts through the summer air.

Lotus blossoms, birds, and bees in view of L.A.s skyscrapers and blight (latimes.com)

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Lotuses of Echo Park, L.A. (latimes.com)

Everything is coming up lotuses because the Los Angeles "Lotus Festival" is back at the newly restored Echo Park Lake near downtown. It is Echo Park's 34th festival and runs all weekend honoring the culture and traditions of L.A. Asian communities, particularly the influence of the Philippines.

 

Festivities kicked off Friday night with music and a movie premiere of a 24-minute film on the history of Echo Park, which lies just west of downtown [one of the west coast's main financial districts in the megalopolis known to the world as] Los Angeles. The celebration continues Saturday and Sunday, beginning at noon and runs until 9:00 pm and 8:00 pm respectively. The event is sponsored by the city’s Department of Recreation and Parks and includes food, music, and boat races. But the real star of the festivities are the lotus flower beds, which are in full bloom. More

What's so great about the lotus?

Waterlilies are wonderful, too (WeGoTwo/flickr).

In India the lotus is revered as the favorite flower, rich in spiritual significance. It is to the East what the rose is to the West. The most remarkable thing about it is that for all its delicate beauty and sublime fragrance, it grows up out of muck.

As Thich Nhat Hanh is fond of saying, It is composed of all "non-lotus elements" -- mud, mire, water, clouds, air, and stinky swamp silt. Yet, behold its beauty!

Later Mahayana Buddhism developed a "Lotus Sutra," but earlier discussions come from the historical Buddha and the enlightened elders (theras and theris), his direct disciples, like Udayin:

The Blooming Lotus

Andrew Olendzki (trans.) Udayin Thera's lotus verses (Theragatha 15.2 excerpt)

Sukhothai (Golan Jesus Roncero/flickr)

As the flower of a lotus,

Arisen in water, blossoms,

Pure-scented and pleasing the mind,

Yet is not drenched by the water,

In the same way, born in the world,

The Buddha abides in the world;

And like the lotus by water,

He does not get drenched by the world.

This translation is by Andrew Olendzki of a poem by the enlightened Elder Udayin [an "elder" being a thera in the "Teaching of the Theras" or Thera-vada Buddhism]. It evokes one of the most famous of Buddhist images and is laced with meaning on many levels.

In one sense -- from early Buddhist teachings -- it can be taken to describe the ability of the enlightened person to rise above the world of sensory experience instead of remaining mired, clinging or attached to it. Although the human condition is rooted in the desires (cravings, graspings) that give rise to life and the illusion of a separate, independently-existing "self," which is actually dependently-arisen, one can awaken and live in this world without being bound by the impulse to hungrily crave pleasure and angrily reject pain.

One is "drenched by the world" when one succumbs to grasping, clutching, and clinging -- behaviors that inevitably bring about suffering, disappointment, and a disillusionment. The heart/mind clings to an attractive object like water permeating something and drenching it.

The Buddha did not immediately transcend the world, but lived in it for 45 years with a heart/mind free of all attachments, defilements, and bonds.

The question of just what sort of being the Buddha was grew in importance. The image of the lotus emerging from the mud and blooming above the world became a popular way of expressing the Buddha's transcendence. In the canonical passage upon which Ven. Udayin builds his verse (SN 22:94) the phrase "having passed beyond the world" (lokam abhi-bhuyya) is added, and this becomes the basis for the Vetulyaka assertion that the Buddha was essentially a transcendent being.

This interpretation had profound implications for later Buddhism: It set the stage for the "Three Bodies of the Buddha" Doctrine of Mahayana Buddhism. In this way of looking at things, awakening (represented by the blossoming of a lotus) is something that can happen for all beings.

Tantric Buddhists (Vajrayana school) were drawn to the contrast in this image between the ordinary, defiling mud in which the plant is rooted and the uplifted loveliness of the blossom it can produce.

Relentless in their non-attachment to dichotomies demolishing opposites, the tantric approach is to be capable of embracing both extremes without clinging to either. The emphasis changes, but we can see that the essential teaching of non-attachment or non-clinging (nopalippati) to the objects of sense-perception, to a particular way of teaching, or to conventional dualities. It carries through the ages by this simple image of a bright lotus growing out of murky water.

SUTRA: Flowers

John D. Ireland (trans., SN 22:94), BPS (Wheel #107), edited by Wisdom Quarterly

The Buddha under a blossom or vimana (WQ)

[The Buddha once said:] “I do not dispute with the world, meditators. The world disputes with me. A proclaimer of Dharma does not dispute with anyone in the world. What is not believed by the wise in the world, of that I say 'It is not so.' What is believed by the wise in the world, of that I say 'It is so.'

 

“And what is it, meditators, that is not believed by the wise in the world and of which I say 'It is not so'? That the body [any form]… feeling… perception… formation [mental activities]… [or] consciousness is permanent, stable, eternal, not liable to change, is not believed by the wise in the world, and I also say it is not so.

 

“And what is it, meditators, that is believed by the wise in the world and of which I say 'It is so'? That the body… feeling… perception… mental formation… consciousness is impermanent, unsatisfactory, liable to change, is believed by the wise in the world, and I also say it is so.

“There is, meditators, in the world a world-condition which the Tathagata [the Buddha] has fully awakened to, has fully realized. Having fully awakened to it and fully realized it, he declares it, teaches it, makes it known, establishes it, discloses it, analyzes it, makes it clear.

“And what, meditators, in the world is the world-condition which the Tathagata has fully awakened to, has fully realized? Meditators, the body… feeling… perception… formations… consciousness, meditators, in the world is that world-condition the Tathagata has fully awakened to, has fully realized…

"Grouped Discourses" (Wheel 107)

“And whosoever, meditators, when it is being declared, taught, made known, established, disclosed, analyzed, made clear by the Tathagata thus, does not understand, does not see, that person, an uninstructed worldly person, blind, without vision, not understanding, not seeing, I can do nothing for.

 

“Just as a water-lily or a blue lotus or a white lotus, born in water, growing in water, having arisen above the water stands unwetted by the water, similarly, meditators, the Tathagata, brought up in the world and conquering the world [i.e., conquers the Five Aggregates by penetrating the Truth with wisdom their true nature as impermanent, disappointing, and impersonal], lives unsullied by the world [i.e., unsullied by craving and attachment to the world].”

“Rise Above”
Black Flag with  Henry Rollins

There is even a grungy old punk rock song that runs: Jealous cowards try to control/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ They distort what we say / Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ Try and stop what we do/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ When they can't do it themselves/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ We are tired of your abuse/ Try to stop us, it's no use.

  

Rougher original version of Black Flag's singalong "Rise Above"
 

Society's arms of control/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ Think they're smart, can't think for themselves/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ Laugh at us behind our backs/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ I find satisfaction in what they lack/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!

We are tired of your abuse. Try to stop us but it's no use! (repeat)/ We are born with a chance/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ I am gonna have my chance/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ We are born with a chance/ Rise above! We're gonna rise above!/ And I am gonna have my chance...

Question: "I'm NOT supposed to LOVE?"

Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Wisdom Quarterly (ASK MAYA)

Quench your mind/heart because dispassion is the key to enlightenment and liberation. Not by passion or anger or delusion can one find happiness and freedom. Clinging and hating are tangled up in ignorance. Untangle.

• QUESTION: Anonymous asks, "We aren't supposed to want love? Should I live alone for the rest of my life? I am new to this blog. Please forgive me if you have answered this question."

This is a great question. Thank you. The conundrum arises from our assumptions. What do we (you and us) mean by "love"? Do we mean universal altruism, loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), unselfish joy (mudita), and impartiality (upekkha)? We don't think so. These are five expressions of love that ancient Indians (Pali/Sanskrit) and Greeks (agape = "unconditional love," etc.) had a better grasp of than we do in English because of all of their words for love like friendliness (metta) vs. sensuality (kama), equanimity (upekkha) vs. indifference,  agape vs. eros, arete vs. bad and so on. What does Wisdom Quarterly mean when we say "love"?
 

I'm supposed to be alone and not in love?

We mean affection (pema), attachment manifesting as clinging (upadana), selfish-desire (tanha), not wanting (a-karuna) or being unwilling to sit with someone's suffering (rather than being with them in their need, con+passion= "with suffering"), not deriving joy from others' joy (a-mudita) but wanting instead our own joy even at the cost of others' happiness, partiality rather than equanimity (upekkha). And what will happen as a result?

"Karma" means that fruits (phala) and mental resultants (vipaka) follow in line with intentional-actions, whether those actions/deeds are mental, verbal, or physical. Whatever is rooted in greed, aversion, or delusion will produce a miserable, unpleasant, unwelcome result.

You can see what buddhas see (DM).

This is the way it is; we don't see it because it is spread out over time between planting a karmic seed and its fruit, which comes to fruition fortuitously when it gets the chance, which can be aeons later. So we confuse what we just did with what just happened and come to believe, "Oh my actions must not be harmful because nothing happened as a result!" We do not know that and are only laboring under the assumption that intentions and results must be linked closely in time when we can all see that that is in no way the case. We haven't even developed the "divine eye" (dibba cakkhu) to see karma coming to fruition for ourselves and others, yet we make the claim. Or we say, "There's no such thing as karma!" and give our proofs: "I did such and such, and nothing happened; therefore, nothing is wrong with doing as I did; nothing will come of it."

What is our karma, and what will happen to us as a result? Anonymous, when you ask, "We aren't supposed to want love? Should I live alone for the rest of my life?" what do you mean by "love"?
 

(Bauhaus) "All We Ever Wanted Was Everything" with the young actor David Bowie. Oh we can live together and be happy forever! Yes, love, we'll live happily ever after!
 
Surely you don't think we are saying that people in general, or Buddhists in particular, should NOT cultivate altruism, loving-kindness, compassion, unselfish joy, impartiality (unbiased equanimity). We think you should love, but love is not "love" the way we normally mean it. You know how we as Westerners normally mean it. These are the Four Divine Abidings (Brahma Viharas), excellent (Greek, arete) forms of "love," excellent sources of merit (puñña), excellent karma!

The Love Addiction Series

I want to meditate, but my compulsions (OB)

What we have been suggesting in a recent series of articles is that the normal, common kind of "love" that we as Americans hold up as ideal and cultivate unthinkingly (some of us more than others) is quite harmful.
 
No person wishing for his/her own good, the good of others, or the good of both would continue in this way. But we do. Why do we? It is because we are not being mindful, not thinking, not engaging in wise action, not being compassionate, not living up to our actual and professed ideals.
 

American loves lives on "West Coast"

What should YOU do, Anonymous? Would you like us to tell you? Your question implies that you want us to tell you what to do as if we can know what's best for you. You know what you want.
 
But let us guess: You want to suffer (to be disappointed, dissatisfied, unfulfilled). That's real passion! We can tell you're very passionate (in the throes of suffering). And so, naturally, you want painful progress (dukkha-patipadā). Maybe Suffering is your teacher, as Eckhart Tolle points out, Suffering being most people's only teacher.
 
("Like Crazy") Love rules! Love is the best! Love rocks! We have nothing higher to live for!
 

Of course, this is possible, but we think the opposite: You want relief, freedom from pain and disappointment. You want joy, peace, pleasure, and fulfillment. Then what is the Way to it -- selfish, unthinking, clinging "love"? An American marriage, which is a business contract (ask a lawyer if you don't believe us), a mortgage, sexual thrills, a bunch of dependents, emotional attachments, desperate clinginess? Is that what you want, Anonymous, is that who you are? That's what they're tempting us with, that's what they're offering us, that's why we date, isn't it?

And that's what we've been taught and conditioned to want -- told that that's the way to fulfillment and a happy life. Yet, spirituality teaches us something better. But we don't want to give up our pleasure even for a better (more sublime) pleasure.

 

HONEY TRAP? Tie a jar or coconut to a tree where monkeys can see. Carve out a hole just big enough for a hand to wriggle in. Place honey or a banana or something good in center. Wait for curious monkey. Monkeys are so foolish and greedy that they will reach in to grab the sweet without realizing that their clenched fist will trap them. As long as they cling to the object, their hand can't get free. If they would only let go, their hand would slide out of the trap, and they could run to safety. But they can't let go, they can't, they can't; they're just too greedy and foolish. So the hunter comes up and does as he wishes, slaying them where they stand, cutting them up limb from limb.

 

You see, Anonymous, we are monkeys. We have our hand in the honey trap, and the hunter is coming to kill us. What should we do? Ahh-ahh, before you say "Let go," have you considered that we want the honey we're grasping that's holding us to the trap? Don't go telling us to "let go" of our little sliver of sweetness in this cold heartless world with your religious mumbo-jumbo!
 
We're spiritual not religious. We want it ALL! Like Bauhaus, "All we ever wanted was everything"! Give us enlightenment, AND let us keep our sexy, clingy, hopelessly pathetically attached forms of "love."

• Nothing higher to live for?

One of many human honey traps. Oh, just look at the poor monkey, doesn't realize what's going to happen when the hunter arrives to claim what the monkey can't let go of internally. Run, monkey, run!

• "Renunciation" is internal letting go

Lust, paradise, and the Buddha's brother

The Buddha's mother, the first Buddhist nun

Anonymous, did you ever hear the story of Nanda, the Buddha's brother? Most people don't know he had a brother or a sister (same father, mother the sister of his deceased biological mother who went on to become the world's first Buddhist nun) or a child or a wife or three mothers or a rich and powerful father.

 

Why don't you get these, and then that way you won't be alone? We don't want, nor do we advise, you to be alone. That answers your second question. We want you to be with people, preferably noble friends (kalyana-mittas). The way you're going, you may end up alone. So alter course, and move in the direction of stable relationships. Whether you marry temporarily or do better by sealing permanent relationships with noble friends, there is no going at it alone. The Buddha's attendant, his cousin Ananda, once said to him: "I think half of the supreme-life is having noble friends." The Buddha scolded him, "Do not say so, Ananda, do not say so! Noble friends are the whole of the supreme-life." The Buddha is one's best friend in the supreme-life. Maybe at first that comes from faith (saddha), but it grows to the absolute certainty of an asekha:
 

The Buddha's ex-wife, who became a nun

Nanda was getting married to the most beautiful woman in all the realm, the "Belle of the Land," Janapada Kalyani. The Buddha came to visit his home country somewhere west of the Indus river in Afghanistan or beyond, way in the northwest of India. He was eager for the honeymoon with his beautiful fiance. Then the Buddha really got him. In a very superficial way, one could say he tricked him out of his marriage, his royalty, his earthly riches. It's a very amazing story. But for anyone who doesn't penetrate what was really going on and why, what the Buddha already knew and what Nanda was about to find out just before it was too late, was that the Buddha was acting out of compassion, and in many places Nanda had the chance and choice to go back. At first, only respect was holding him back, and then it was his own insight.

In brief, the Buddha finished his family's alms-offering then handed his monastic-bowl to Nanda, who carried it for his half-brother, the former prince and Great Sage of the Shakyas, walked him to the door thinking to hand it back to him there. But the Buddha walked outside. Nanda followed thinking to hand it back at the gate. Beautiful Janapada Kalyani, combing her wonderful washed hair, saw him going from the veranda, and wondered why he was leaving, but just shouted out to him, "Come back to me soon, my love!"
 
The Buddha walked beyond the gate without turning to collect his bowl. Nanda thought to follow him back to the monastery (probably a cave in Bamiyan or Mes Aynak or any of the ancient Afghan Buddhist sites) and return it to him there then get back to his wedding plans honeymoon preparations. When they arrived, the Buddha turned and seeing that Nanda had followed him all the way to the monastery, naturally asked, "Oh did you want to become a monk?" In other words, Oh did you, like your wiser, more spiritual, possibly older (see below) brother and so many of your royal cousins you loved in childhood, want to join us in renouncing that dusty, burdensome homelife and live here with us in our left-home life?
 

What am I doing sitting here when I could be having sex and getting high on love?!

  

JP: "Come back to me soon, Nanda!"

Without thinking, or not wanting to imply that they had made a poor choice in choosing to live like beggars when they were all born fabulously rich and privileged, Nanda answered YES. The Buddha called for someone to ordain him then gave him a meditation subject.

Before he could say, "Wait, no, I meant no; I'm getting married to this hot woman tomorrow!" or explain what had happened, he was clean shaven, in robes, and meditating in his kuti (hut, cave, room, cell). But he couldn't concentrate or achieve the absorption (jhanas) like other wandering ascetics (shramans), spiritual recluses (bhikkhus), mendicant meditation masters (theras). All he could do was think about sex.

 

All my family and belongings! (motifake.com)

Before long, oppressed by thoughts of sexy Janapada Kalyani, he came to the Buddha to quit and get back to the palace. The Buddha surprised him by saying that that was fine, but he wanted to show him something first. Look. Taking hold of the Buddha's robe, Nanda was whisked away on an astral travel journey, a trip to paradise.

They traveled through the sky, over the Earth, over a burnt field, and there was a she-monkey there sitting on a stump with a burnt nose. They ascended to pleasant celestial plane in space where there was a brilliant, sparkling, white granite mansion being washed by a large number of pink footed celestial nymphs.
 

Western art: Nymphs and Satyr (xahlee.org)

And Nanda asked the least beautiful of these delightful and alluring beings what they were doing. She answered that they were preparing the platform/palace/mansion of Nanda for his arrival.

"But Nanda lives on Earth," Nanda said. "Yes, but thereafter he will come here, and we will serve him." (They would be his wives, his harem, the celestial nymphs people mock Islam for talking about). Nanda stepped back to the Buddha and said, "She says this is for me?" The Buddha asked, "What do you think of these nymphs, Nanda?/Isn't Janapada Kalyani beautiful?" "Jana-pada-who?" exclaimed Nanda. "Your beautiful fiance, the one you're leaving us to go back to, the 'Belle of the Land'!"
 
"Venerable sir, Janapada Kalyani, my former fiance, can't compare to these nymphs. Even the ugliest one. She doesn't even possess one-sixteenth part the beauty of any of these; she doesn't even come into the count! Why compared to these nymphs, Janapada Kalyani resembles that monkey we saw on the way here with its nose and tail burned off."
 
"Let's go, Nanda," the Buddha said. On the way down to Earth, they took a detour. They descended to a frightful subterranean hell, where frightful beings were stoking a fire for a large iron cauldron of oil. And Nanda asked these scary demonic figures what they were doing. "What the hell's it to you, $#@&!? Not that it's any of your damn business, but we're making preparations for that scumbag Nanda."

"But, sir, I have it on good authority that Nanda will be reborn in a celestial world with a mansion," Nanda explained. "Yeah, but after that, he will be reborn right here, and we'll do as we wish with him, slaying him, flaying him..." Nanda stepped back to the Buddha. "Did you hear that, venerable sir?"

"Let's go, Nanda," the Buddha said gently. "Now you see how things stand; now you see how samsara, this endless round of the playing out of karma, goes." [We're filling in the colorful language in case you hadn't noticed, Anonymous. The is the gist, the sentiment of what was said and meant.]
 

Knowing-and-seeing results from persistence

When they returned to the monastery, Ven. Nanda went quickly to his chambers and resumed his meditation. The other monastics noticed his sudden turnaround and asked him about it. They teased him about missing his sexy wife, which he had formerly talked so much about returning to. But now he was all silent and committed to meditating. He explained to his monastic relatives and friends, the other Shakyas, how wonderful heaven is, full of gorgeous nymphs and shimmering palaces, so that with good karma one can earn that. Seeing his foolishness, they began anew to tease him, but this time they said, "Nanda has been bought for 500 nymphs! Nanda is a hireling! He works [meditates, see kammatthāna] for nymphs!"

• Kammatthāna: literally, "working-ground," "field of exertion, effort, or striving" (i.e., for meditation), is the term in the Commentaries for "subjects of meditation"; see bhāvanā.

Even though his fellow monastics gently ribbed and mercilessly teased and taunted him, Ven. Nanda stuck to it, clearing his mind of lust for Janapada Kalyani, of fear of karmic retribution in unfortunate realms, and aspired just for those nymphs. But when he attained the absorptions (jhanas), finding them superior even to the "heavenly lusts" and appetites of the lower celestial planes, he kept going and cultivated liberating-insight, as the Buddha, his trusted brother had instructed him.

• Actually, they would have been age-peers, almost exactly the same age because Nanda's mother, Maha Pajapati Devi, who was the sister of the Buddha's biological mother, Queen Maha Maya Devi, was co-wife of the polygamous king, their father. And when the latter passed away just a week after her son Siddhartha's birth, the former took over nursing, caring for, and raising Prince Siddhartha as her own, turning over the primary care of Nanda to a nurse in the royal palace. Queen Maya, who was considered the "first wife" would have been more beautiful, the more pleasing long time companion of King Suddhodana. Contrary to our modern opinion that this is sexist and patriarchal, her sister would surely have been happy to co-marry the king and thereby live together with her sister as royals from the ruling family of the rich crossroads capital of Kapilavastu (in the vicinity of modern Kabul and Bamiyan according to Dr. Pal), having and raising kids at the same time like virtuous-Kardashians, then taking over the role of Queen Kim with her sister's passing. The Shakyas were a fiercely proud, tough, formerly-nomadic warrior peoples not like the more refined people of Brahminical India, much like hearty Afghans/Central Asians today.

Novice's devotion in a sacred cave (13som)

When Ven. Nanda reached enlightenment, he continued to meditate, experiencing the bliss of release from ignorance, karma, samsara, rebirth, and all further forms of suffering.
 
But his fellows were dissatisfied and they complained to the Buddha: "Nanda's a hireling! He works for nymphs!" Knowing better the Buddha had Ven. Nanda summoned. "They say you're a hireling, Nanda, that you work for nymphs, that I promised you nymphs if you would meditate." Ven. Nanda was abashed for it having once been true that he worked for such a petty aspiration as superhuman sensual experiences in that lowly heavenly world they visited, having lost the healthy dread of what they had seen would happen in that subterranean fallen/hellish plane of existence (niraya).
 
Ven. Nanda implicitly declared his attainment by stating that he had released the Buddha from his implied promise of heavenly splendor the moment he realized the Truth. His fellow monastics were shocked and abashed, not realizing they were mocking and complaining about an arhat, an enlightened disciple of the Buddha. They quickly returned to their kutis to meditate and follow the example of the one they had wasted so much time and made such unskillful karma berating. The end.
 
Anonymous, does our overkill answer make sense? Does this famous Story of Nanda make sense as applying to your dual question?

Question. Selfish "love," sensual lust, desperate clinging, emotional attachment, pathetic obsession, does it arise in a person for her/his own good, for the good of another, for both? Or does it bring harm?

Love is a snare, a trap, a lie leading us to buy the ways of the world without thinking and only realizing too late what bargain we made? When the Dhammapada speaks ill of desire, clinging, and passion, we recoil. No, we like those! We want those! "Passion" (which literally means "suffering" in English) is good, it's zesty, it adds spice to life. You're question was very good because people don't want to get caught up in words and thinking, paying attention and actually analyzing anything. We want it spelled out, or we'll learn from experience. But most of us won't learn even then.

What the Buddha said makes sense, a lot of sense. If one stays superficial, it is easy to debunk karma, spirituality, religion, and claims of all kinds. That's nonsense. That's not science. We know everything; the ancients knew nothing! The purpose of an "American Buddhist Journal" is to spell out all the ways that Buddhism does apply, does make sense, does offer a Path to the end of all suffering. And it's beautiful even if it seems to us sexist and full of it. For instance, did you notice a gaping hole in Nanda's story? We know you did.
 
We know what you're thinking, Anonymous! "Hey, but what about Janapada Kalyani?! The Buddha was wise, exceedingly wise; he thought of that, too. Here is her story: The Beautiful Princess Janapada Kalyani's spiritual journey

• VIDEO: I'm in love! ("West Coast")
• Wisdom? The Discourse on Right View (sutra)
• Knowing and Seeing (Pa Auk Sayadaw)