You're too "clingy" (cartoon)

Dhr. Seven, Crystal Quintero, Amber Larson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Nyanatiloka

I don't know what I'm doing wrong in relationship after relationship, searching for...

(Family Guy/Hulu) As clingy as a baby at the bosom is Stewie as Brian tries to cling to Drew

Starts off fun, gets to be too much.

Crystal, is clinging a problem in life? It is in Ashley's life; she has been known to get quite clingy. Ask her. But you? Not me so much, but guys I've dated. What do they do? You know how Brian once went on that reality dating show as a contestant then became infatuated with the bachelorette? Yes, exactly, I get it. He would leave all these phone messages and not get the hint to naff off. 

Brian the clingy bachelor (Family Guy)

"Clinging" (upādāna), according to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), is a pathetic and intensified degree of craving. The opposite is the "extinction of craving," which is identical with the "extinction of defilements" (āsavakkhaya), which is the attainment of full enlightenment or arhatship. (See noble persons).

There are four kinds of clinging that prevent enlightenment:

1. sensual clinging (kāma-upādāna),
2. clinging to views (ditthi-upādāna),
3. clinging to mere rules and rituals (sīlabbata-upādāna),
4. clinging to personality-belief (atta-vāda-upādāna).

(1) "What now is sensual clinging? Whatever with regard to sense objects there exists of sensual lust, sensual craving, sensual attachment, sensual passion, sensual delusion, sensual fetters (bonds of desire): this is called 'sensual clinging.'

Owner of a lonely heart? Try clinging to sensuality. It will disappoint, but what else are you going to do to overcome the empty feeling in your core and the body's cravings? Invest?

 
(2) ''What is the clinging to views? 'Alms and offerings are useless; there is no fruit or result for good and bad deeds: all such views and wrong opinions are called the clinging to views.

(3) "What is the clinging to mere rules and rituals? The holding firmly to the view that through mere rules (vows, precepts, discipline) and rituals (observances) one may reach enlightenment: this is called the clinging to mere rules and rituals.

• [NOTE: the way to enlightenment and nirvana is liberating-insight, made possible by the Noble Eightfold Path, not mere observance of ceremonies, celebrations, superstitions, magic, abstinences, or austerities, which may aid one along the way but cannot possibly in and of themselves bring about enlightenment.]

(4) "What is the clinging to personality-belief? The 20 kinds of ego-views with regard to the aggregates of existence (see sakkāya-ditthi): these are called the clinging to personality-belief" (Dhs.1214-17).

Not going to get all clingy, are you? - I'm not even going to call you tomorrow. - Good.

.

Heart Sutra: immaculate heart free of clinging

This traditional fourfold division of clinging is unsatisfactory. Besides sensual (kama) clinging we would expect either clinging to form or materiality (rūpa) and clinging to formlessness or immateriality (arūpa), or simply clinging to continued existence (continued becoming, bhava-upādāna).

Although the non-returner, the third of the four stages of enlightenment, is entirely free from the traditional four kinds of clinging, that person is not yet free of rebirth, as one still possesses clinging to continued becoming, the deep desire for rebirth on other planes even though one grasps that they are illusory, marked by Three Characteristics of Existence, namely, that they are impersonal, impermanent, and never able to satisfy one's desires.

The Commentary to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), in trying to get out of this dilemma, explains "sense clinging" as including here all of the remaining kinds of clinging.

"Clinging" is the common rendering for the Pali/Sanskrit term upādāna, but "grasping" would come closer to the literal meaning of it, which is "uptake" after craving it. See the Three Cardinal Discourses (Wheel No. 17), p.19.

"Family Guy" the Very First Episode

(Workard) Life in modern suburban USA as brought to us by Seth Macfarlane and the many writers of and contributors to "Family Guy." This is the pilot or unofficial first episode, the prequel. The "official" first episode was a remake of it.

The Foolish and the Wise (sutra)

Crystal Quintero, Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Wisdom Quarterly (Bala-Pandita, SN 12.19)

"If the traveler cannot find [greater or equal] to go with one, let one travel alone rather than with a fool for company" (H. Hopp Delaney/H-K-D/flickr.com).

I think therefore I am not...

At one time the Blessed One was residing in Savatthi where he said: "When a foolish person is obstructed (hindered) by ignorance and craving, this body is the result.

There is both this body (internal rupa, dhatu) and external name-and-form. Here within this teaching, dependent on this duality, there arises contact at the six sense bases.

Touched by one or all of these, the foolish (unthinking person) is sensitive to pleasure and pain (which one necessarily misunderstands and identifies with rather than seeing them clearly and dispassionately as ti-lakkhana, as bearing the Three Universal Marks of Existence).

"A great rock is not disturbed by the wind; the mind [heart] of a wise person is not disturbed by either honor or abuse" -- or any of the eight worldly conditions of life.

The Wise

Great minds think a d--- Michele Bachmann

"When a wise person is obstructed by ignorance and craving, this body is the result. There is both this body (internal) and external name-and-form. Here within this teaching, dependent on this duality, there is contact at the six sense bases. Touched by one or more of these, the wise person is (also) sensitive to pleasure and pain.
 
"So what difference, what distinction, what distinguishing factor is there between the wise person and the foolish person?"
 

The fool is his own worst enemy... (H-K-D)

[The monastics replied:] "Venerable sir, for us the teachings (Dharma) have the Blessed One as their root, their guide, and their explainer. It would be good if the Blessed One himself would explain the meaning of this statement. And having heard it from the Blessed One, the monastics will remember it."
 
"In that case, meditators, listen and give close attention. I will explain."
 
"As you say, venerable sir," they responded.
 

Wise Reflection (BPS.lk)

The [Buddha] explained, "The ignorance with which the fool is obstructed, the craving with which the fool is linked, through which this body has resulted, has not been abandoned by the fool, and that craving has not been destroyed/abandoned. Now why is that? It is because the fool has not practiced the supreme life for the ending of suffering.

"Therefore, at the break up of the body, one is headed for yet another body (form). Headed for a body, one is not entirely freed from rebirth, aging, death, sorrow, lamentation, pain, disappointment, or despair. I tell you, one is not entirely freed from disappointment and suffering.
 

"Gods" Sakka and Brahma go to the Buddha

"However, the ignorance with which the wise is obstructed, the craving with which one is linked, through which this body has resulted, has been abandoned by the wise, and that craving has been destroyed/abandoned. Now why is that? It is because the wise person has practiced the supreme life for the ending of all suffering.

"Therefore, at the break up of the body, one is not headed for yet another body. Not headed for a body, one is entirely freed from rebirth, aging, death, sorrow, lamentation, pain, disappointment, or despair. I tell you, that person is entirely freed from disappointment and suffering."

Crossing over to freedom (sutra)

Amber Larson, Seth Auberon (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; John D. Ireland (trans.), "The Simile of the Boat" (Nava Sutra, Sn 2.8)

Buddha, I'm lost in this flood (ogha), this sea of samsara, far from the further shore. How shall I cross over, by waiting for Maitreya? (Thailand flooding/framework.latimes.com)

 

Samsara= wheel of rebirth and death

"One from whom a person learns the Dharma [the Buddha's teachings] should be venerated the way the devas venerate Inda, their leader [Sanskrit Indra, another name for Sakka, the king of the devas.] A teacher of great learning, thus venerated, will explain the Dharma, being well-disposed towards a learner (hearer).

"Having paid attention and considered it, a wise person, practicing according to Dharma, becomes learned, intelligent, and accomplished by associating diligently with such a skilled teacher.

 

"But by following an inferior and foolish teacher who has not gained (fine) understanding of the Dharma and is envious of others, one will approach death without having comprehended the Dharma and unrelieved of doubt.
 

Boats crossing, U Bein Bridge, Amarapura, Mandalay (Platongkohphoto/flickr)

.

"If a person going down into a river, swollen and swiftly flowing, is carried away by the current -- how can that person help others across?
 
"Even so, one who has not comprehended the Dharma, has not paid attention to the meaning as expounded by the learned, being without knowledge and unrelieved of doubt -- how can one make others understand?
 
"But if (the person at the river) knows the method and is skilled and wise, by boarding a strong boat equipped with oars and a rudder, can, with its help, set others across.

"Even so, one who is experienced and has a well-trained mind/heart, who is learned and dependable [Commentary: has a character which remains unperturbed by the vicissitudes of life], clearly knowing, can help others to understand who are willing to listen and ready to receive [possessing the supporting conditions for attaining the Paths and Fruits of stream-winning, once-returning, non-returning, and final sainthood (arhatship)].
 
"Surely, therefore, one should associate with a good person who is wise and learned.

"By understanding the meaning of what one has learned and practicing accordingly one who has Dharma-experience [Commentary: one who has fully understood or experienced the truth, the dharma, by penetrating to its essence through the practice taught by a wise teacher] attains (supreme) happiness [the transcendental happiness of the Paths, Fruits, and of nirvana]."

Crossing Over the Flood

Amber Larson and Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Thanissaro (trans.), "Discourse on Crossing over the Flood" (Ogha-tarana Sutra, SN 1.1)

 

Thus have I heard. On one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Savatthi at Jeta's Grove in Anathapindika's monastery. Then a certain deva, in the third watch of the night, filled the grove with her radiance as she went to the Blessed One.

Arriving, she bowed, stood respectfully to one side, and said to him, "Tell me, dear sir, how you crossed over the flood."
 
"I crossed over the flood without pushing forward and without staying in place" [without overexertion, without slacking, but persistently striving for balance or "unestablished," see Ud 8.1 and related references at SN 12.38 and SN 12.64].

• Translator's note: This discourse opens the Connected Discourses with a paradox. The Commentary states that the Buddha teaches the deva in terms of the paradox in order to subdue her pride. To give this paradox some context, read other passages from the Pali canon that discuss right effort.

"But how, dear sir, did you cross over the flood without pushing forward and without staying in place?"
 
"When I pushed forward, I was whirled about. When I stayed in place, I sank. So I crossed over the flood without pushing forward and without staying in place."

"At long last see I a true Brahmin, fully liberated, who without pushing forward and without staying in place has crossed over the entanglements of the world."

 

This is what that deva said. The teacher approved. And realizing that "the teacher has approved of me," she bowed, respectfully circumambulated him -- keeping him to her right -- and vanished then and there.

Crossing the Flood
Translated by U Tin U (Myaung), Rangoon, and edited by Wisdom Quarterly and the Editorial Committee, Burma Tipitaka Assn., 1998, Dhammaweb.net Oghatarana Sutta (SN I.01)

Deva spirit (smithymeerkat/flickr)

Thus have I heard: Once the Bhagava [the Bhagwan, the Blessed One, the Buddha] was residing at Anathapindika's Jeta's Grove Monastery in Savatthi. Then, soon after the middle watch of the night, a certain deva of exceeding beauty approached him, illuminating the entire grove. After paying homage, she stood at a suitable place, and addressed him:
 
"Sir, how did you cross the flood?" [Note 1]
 
"Friend, by not remaining still and by not putting forth strenuous effort, I crossed the flood."
 
"But, sir, in what way did you cross over while neither remaining still nor putting forth strenuous effort?"
 
"Friend, if I remain still, I sink [2]; if I put forth strenuous effort, I drift [3]. Thus, by neither remaining still nor putting forth strenuous effort, I crossed the flood."
 
"In the sentient world, only after a long time do I see one in whom defilements are extinct [4], one in whom defilements have been extinguished, who neither remaining still nor putting forth strenuous effort crossed the ocean of craving."
 
Thus said the deva. The teacher approved. Having noted the approval of the teacher, the deva paid respect then respectfully withdrew and vanished form there.
 

FOOTNOTES 1. the flood (ogha), metaphorically, the deluge of craving, wrong views, and ignorance which keep one submerged in the round of rebirth, death, and suffering (samsara). The four floods are: (i) kama-ogha: strong attachment to the five sensual pleasures; (ii) bhava-ogha: strong attachment to rebirth in the Fine Material Sphere, in the Immaterial Sphere, or to the attainment of meditative absorptions (jhanas), strong karma that leads to rebirth in these spheres; (iii) ditthi-ogha: the 62 wrong views (See Brahmajala Sutta, DN 1); (vi) avijja-ogha: ignorance of the liberating Truth.
2. If I remain still, I sink: Staying in the midst of sensual pleasures, making no efforts to break free of them, one sinks to the tower realms. Or in another sense, making no effort to get rid of demerit, one sinks to the depths of the four miserable states of rebirth.
3. If I put forth strenuous effort, I drift: Striving on the path purification from defilements through self-mortification/severe austerities sends one adrift in samsara. Or in another sense, even if one performs meritorious deeds while craving for rebirth in the higher realms of existence, such efforts merely bring mundane merit and one drifts along in samsara.
4. One in whom defilements are extinct is a true "Brahmin" meaning either a buddha or an arhat. The brahma, although designated as a deva in this discourse, had known Kassapa Buddha. Since the passing of Kassapa Buddha many aeons passed before Gautama Buddha appeared in this world.

Advice to the Kalamas; Egyptian Tattoos (video)

CC Liu, Seth Auberon, Amber Larson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Dhammachotika, "Discovering Theravada Buddhism" (fozibertheravadaeng.no.sapo.pt, also in Portuguese)

The Buddha, Afghanistan/Bactria (Boonlieng/flickr)

After advising the Kalamas not to rely upon established tradition, abstract reasoning [logic based on unquestioned assumptions, personal preferences, sacred texts], or charismatic gurus, the Buddha proposes to them a teaching that is immediately visible, verifiable, and capable of laying a firm foundation for a life of virtue that purifies the heart/mind.

He shows that whether or not there are lives to come after the death of the present one, a life of virtuous restraint and of loving-kindness (metta, friendliness) and active-caring (karuna, compassion) for all living beings brings its own intrinsic rewards here and now -- a happiness and sense of inward security far superior to the unstable pleasures that can be won by violating ethical principles or indulging the mind/heart in its shortsighted craving for sensual desires.
 

The British Museum (britishmuseum.org)

For those who are not concerned to look any further, who are not prepared to adopt any convictions about a future life or existences beyond the present one, such a teaching will ensure their present welfare and their safe passage to a pleasant [human or kama-loka-deva] rebirth -- provided they do not succumb to the pernicious wrong view of denying karmic causality or any afterlife state.

 

However, for those whose vision is capable of widening to encompass the broader horizons of this present existence, the teaching given to the Kalamas points beyond its immediate implications to the very core of the Dharma.

The three states examined and questioned by the Buddha -- greed, hate, and delusion -- are not merely the basis of misconduct or defiled virtue staining the heart and obscuring the mind.

Within this teaching's framework they are the root defilements -- the primary causes of all bondage and suffering -- and the entire practice of the Dharma can be viewed as the task of uprooting these harmful factors by developing to perfection their antidotes: dispassion, kindness, and wisdom. More

• Mes Aynak Afghan Buddhist monastery

Mummies's secrets: Tattoos in ancient Egypt and Sudan, June 2014 (britishmuseum.org)

Five Bonds of Desire: Monkey Mind (sutra)

Amber Larson, Dhr. Seven, CC Liu, Wisdom Quarterly translation based on Makkata Sutta by Andrew Olendzki, "The Foolish Monkey" (SN 47.7)

"Monkey mind" is mental frenzy brought on by the Five Hindrances (patheos.com)

A monkey with a foolish and greedy nature will soon be ensnared (childhoodrelived.com).

 

On Himavat, king of mountains (the personification of the Himalayas), there is rugged and uneven land where neither monkeys nor humans wander.
 
And on Himavat there is rugged and uneven land where monkeys indeed wander, whereas humans do not.
 
And on Himavat there is a level stretch of land, quite pleasing, where both monkeys and humans wander.

There a hunter set a sticky trap on trails used by monkeys in order to ensnare them. Some monkeys there were foolish by nature, but not greedy. Seeing the trap, they stayed away.

The burnt nose she-monkey (motifake.com)

But there was one monkey who was both foolish and greedy by nature. He went up to the trap and grabbed it with his hand. His hand got stuck there. "I'll free my hand!" he thought. And he grabbed it with his other hand. It got stuck there.

Thinking "I'll free both hands!" he grabbed it with his foot. It got stuck there. "I'll free both hands and a foot!" he thought. So he grabbed it with his other foot. It got stuck there.

"I'll free both hands," he thought, "and both feet!" He grabbed it with his snout. It got stuck there.
 
Now that monkey, ensnared in five ways, lays down and howls. He has fallen into trouble, fallen into ruin, for now the hunter can do with him as he pleases. Not releasing the monkey, the hunter skewers him then picks him up and goes off with him. This is what happens to those who wander beyond their range, in the sphere of others.

Therefore, meditators, wander not beyond your range, in the sphere of others. Wandering there, Mara (the killer, the corrupter, obstacle to enlightenment and liberation, the personification of death) will gain access, will gain a foothold.

Whoa, you're skating on thin ice, boss! - What? I'm just monkeying around, worker.

  
Beyond one's range
And what, for a meditator, is beyond one's range, the sphere of others? The five strands of sense desire are. What are the five?

1. forms discerned with the eye -- appealing, pleasurable, yearned for, and lusted after
2. sounds discerned with the ear...
3. fragrances discerned with the nose...
4. flavors discerned with the tongue...
5. touches discerned with the body -- appealing, pleasurable, yearned for, and lusted after. 

These, for a meditator, are beyond the range, in the sphere of others. Wander within your proper range, in your natural sphere. Then Mara will not gain access, will not gain a foothold.
 

The range of meditators

What, for a meditator, is within range, in one's natural sphere? The Four Foundations of Mindfulness are. What are the four? Here [in this Dharma and Discipline], meditators:

1. One abides observing body as body -- ardent, mindful, clearly aware, leading away from unhappiness and worldly concerns.
2. One abides observing sensations as sensations...
3. One abides observing mind as mind...
4. One abides observing mental phenomena as mental phenomena -- ardent, mindful, clearly aware, leading away from unhappiness and worldly concerns. 

These, for a meditator, are within range, in one's natural sphere.
 

Commentary
Andrew Olendzki (edited by Wisdom Quarterly)

Andrew Olendzki (dowling.edu)

This cautionary tale does not end well for the monkey. Fables like the adventures of Curious George deal with foolish monkeys.

The story is taken from the collection of discourses which discuss the Foundations of Mindfulness (Satipatthana Samyutta), the root teachings of the insight (vipassana) meditation tradition. The message has to do with applying "wise attention" (yoniso manasikara), changing one's frame of reference through which we  receive and process sense experience.
 
If we give our attention to the appeal of the pleasure that accompanies sensory experience (the sticky tar trap), we are necessarily caught by the object of perception. There can be no freedom of mind/heart, because we are subtly and usually unconsciously yearning for more gratification. Instead of satisfying our desires, such experience merely stirs up more desire. We take it as normal, so we seek satisfaction of sense desires by pursuing pleasure in the realms of the senses.
 
The intensive-meditative and monastic ideal that shaped early Buddhism involves a different way of relating to experience. The idea is not that monastics avoided or ignored sense data -- which is hardly possible when all of our sensory experience passes through these gateways. Rather, the instruction is about not getting ensnared by our craving for sense pleasures. Sense data itself is not harmful, but the sweetness of pleasure wrapping each sense ensnares us when we are overtaken by our "foolish and greedy nature."
 
The different strategy is that an intensive-meditator wander in a more fruitful range, within the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, in the presence of equanimity. Insight meditation trains us to attend more dispassionately to alluring and annoying experience. When we simply observe with mindfulness and clear comprehension, we undermine what the hunter has set for us (i.e., Mara's trap). We are then able to overcome death and attain "deathlessness" (nirvana).

• Wandering too far: Six missing in Nevada cold found alive Couple and four children get lost in Nevada desert, under an overturned jeep, and survive -16 degree overnight temperatures before being rescued.
• Not wandering far enough: Two charged with child abuse Mom and stepdad kept her three daughters -- ages 12, 13, and 17 -- in their rooms for two years in Tucson, Arizona.