Showing posts with label personality quiz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality quiz. Show all posts

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

You're too "clingy" (cartoon)

Dhr. Seven, Crystal Quintero, Amber Larson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Nyanatiloka
I don't know what I'm doing wrong in relationship after relationship, searching for...

(Family Guy/Hulu) As clingy as a baby at the bosom is Stewie as Brian tries to cling to Drew

Starts off fun, gets to be too much.
Crystal, is clinging a problem in life? It is in Ashley's life; she has been known to get quite clingy. Ask her. But you? Not me so much, but guys I've dated. What do they do? You know how Brian once went on that reality dating show as a contestant then became infatuated with the bachelorette? Yes, exactly, I get it. He would leave all these phone messages and not get the hint to naff off. 

Brian the clingy bachelor (Family Guy)
"Clinging" (upādāna), according to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), is a pathetic and intensified degree of craving. The opposite is the "extinction of craving," which is identical with the "extinction of defilements" (āsavakkhaya), which is the attainment of full enlightenment or arhatship. (See noble persons).

There are four kinds of clinging that prevent enlightenment:
  1. sensual clinging (kāma-upādāna),
  2. clinging to views (ditthi-upādāna),
  3. clinging to mere rules and rituals (sīlabbata-upādāna),
  4. clinging to personality-belief (atta-vāda-upādāna).
(1) "What now is sensual clinging? Whatever with regard to sense objects there exists of sensual lust, sensual craving, sensual attachment, sensual passion, sensual delusion, sensual fetters (bonds of desire): this is called 'sensual clinging.'

Owner of a lonely heart? Try clinging to sensuality. It will disappoint, but what else are you going to do to overcome the empty feeling in your core and the body's cravings? Invest?

 
(2) ''What is the clinging to views? 'Alms and offerings are useless; there is no fruit or result for good and bad deeds: all such views and wrong opinions are called the clinging to views.

(3) "What is the clinging to mere rules and rituals? The holding firmly to the view that through mere rules (vows, precepts, discipline) and rituals (observances) one may reach enlightenment: this is called the clinging to mere rules and rituals.
  • [NOTE: the way to enlightenment and nirvana is liberating-insight, made possible by the Noble Eightfold Path, not mere observance of ceremonies, celebrations, superstitions, magic, abstinences, or austerities, which may aid one along the way but cannot possibly in and of themselves bring about enlightenment.]
(4) "What is the clinging to personality-belief? The 20 kinds of ego-views with regard to the aggregates of existence (see sakkāya-ditthi): these are called the clinging to personality-belief" (Dhs.1214-17).

Not going to get all clingy, are you? - I'm not even going to call you tomorrow. - Good.
.
Heart Sutra: immaculate heart free of clinging
This traditional fourfold division of clinging is unsatisfactory. Besides sensual (kama) clinging we would expect either clinging to form or materiality (rūpa) and clinging to formlessness or immateriality (arūpa), or simply clinging to continued existence (continued becoming, bhava-upādāna).

Although the non-returner, the third of the four stages of enlightenment, is entirely free from the traditional four kinds of clinging, that person is not yet free of rebirth, as one still possesses clinging to continued becoming, the deep desire for rebirth on other planes even though one grasps that they are illusory, marked by Three Characteristics of Existence, namely, that they are impersonal, impermanent, and never able to satisfy one's desires.

The Commentary to the Path of Purification (Vis.M. XVII), in trying to get out of this dilemma, explains "sense clinging" as including here all of the remaining kinds of clinging.

"Clinging" is the common rendering for the Pali/Sanskrit term upādāna, but "grasping" would come closer to the literal meaning of it, which is "uptake" after craving it. See the Three Cardinal Discourses (Wheel No. 17), p.19.

"Family Guy" the Very First Episode
(Workard) Life in modern suburban USA as brought to us by Seth Macfarlane and the many writers of and contributors to "Family Guy." This is the pilot or unofficial first episode, the prequel. The "official" first episode was a remake of it.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

I'm in love! (love addiction)

Danger, drama: Lana Del Rey wants the whole world to love her (New York Times)

Evolution of the parasite: Tapeworm, Flea, Leech, Vampire Bat, Banker...Love Addict
How To Break the Pattern of Love Addiction
Reinvent Yourself: future focus
Part 2. Might as well face it if you're "addicted" to love. Love does not cure all, not even close.
 
Rachel Uchitel, an alleged Tiger Woods' mistress, spoke openly about her addiction to love because of her participation in Dr. Drew Pinksy's "Celebrity Rehab." For many people this may be the first time they ever heard about love addiction, so here's a popular post about the topic from last year:
 
First things first. Take this brief quiz to see if you are likely a "love addict."
When is love an addiction?
1. Did you once think that if only someone loved you in that "special way" you would be happy for the rest of your life?
2. Were you/Are you pre-occupied with the notions of love as expressed in music, movies and fiction?
3. Have you ever tried to talk yourself into loving someone you weren't particularly fond of because you needed the love NOW?
4. Have you felt the need to prop up or do a total makeover on your partner early on in your relationship rather than admit that he/she wasn't right for you and end it?
5. Have you stayed in a bad relationship or repeatedly returned to an ex-partner because you couldn't stand to be alone?
6. When you are in a committed relationship do you wonder if you chose the RIGHT one or fantasize about a lover from your past, thinking you should have kept him or her and then you would be happier?
7. Have you used the words "soul mate" in reference to how love should be? ...

Not crazy in love, getting paid
No need to score or rate yourself. If you suspect you are a love addict -- don't feel too badly about it. I was a member of the love addicts club for a good portion of my life as well. I too was in love with love.

I have built my career on this issue, working with ordinary people who are lost when it comes to finding and sustaining a healthy relationship, stuck in a cycle of pain and disappointment in others and themselves.

They believe that either they just can't find the right one or that the early infatuation waned and they are no longer "in love." Some jump from one relationship to another in search of that wonderful feeling they once had.
 
Others stay, despite feeling dissatisfied, harboring secret thoughts of leaving, cultivating emotional affairs, or cheating from time to time, having no clue about the real problem.
 
To be clear, addiction can be defined in a general way as a compulsive (repeated action without choice) and chronic (ongoing over time) pattern of using a substance or behavior for soothing, comforting, and/or arousal. It is used as a means of medicating uncomfortable feelings. "Addicts" typically continue use of their behavior or drug of choice despite negative consequences.
 
Sex addiction is a compulsive pattern of pursuing sexual arousal independent of emotional attachments. [While this seems common and promoted among American males, it gets so out of control -- for example with online porn addiction -- as to be devastating; attend an SAA meeting and find out how bad if you doubt that such a condition can even exist.]
 
Love addiction [more common and promoted among American females, so much so that we may consider it "typical" gendered behavior] is a little harder to define simply because by nature we are all "addicted" to love -- meaning we want it, seek it, and have a hard time not thinking about it. More