Sexy Easter film reviews: Heaven is real

CC Liu, Irma Quintero, Ashley Wells, Seth Auberon, Pat Macpherson, Wisdom Quarterly; SCPR/FilmWeek with Larry Mantle and critics Tim Cogshell, Henry Sheehan, Charles Solomon

Jesus has a pony?

Let's give this pony to Jesus to ride in on.

(SPE) Based on a book by a Christian minister whose 11-y.o. son died (had an NDE), went to a heaven -- perhaps the celestial World of the Four Great Kings (Catumaharajika Deva Loka) or the Thirty-Three (Tavatimsa), and returned to tell about it.

Jesus rides in on an ass, the keychain

The boy (who is based on Colton Burpo) reports that Jesus is white with a tunic and a beard and swears he has a pony, just like his father expects heaven to be. It's an Easter miracle! Or it could be that visions of "heaven" (sagga) during a near-death experience accommodate our views and expectations, as reported by the spirit Seth (Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul) as channeled by Jane Roberts -- whether those expectations are heavenly or hellish.

St. Issa's Jewish Heaven on Earth

Happy Patriots' Day, Mass. Happy Holy Week, Christendom. The New Testament says Jesus rode in on an ass (WARNING: do not click!), butt this is not what the Bible's author(s) had in mind, nor this. 

SCPR reviewers talk about the week's new film releases including Greg Kinnear in "Heaven is for Real," H2O in "Watermark" (about dams, their consequences, and our relationship to water), Johnny Depp as Him or a computer program or virus in "Transcendence," flagging Woody in "Fading Gigolo," Jane Goodall in "Bears," Kristin Wiig, Hailee Steinfeld, Guy Pearce, and Nick Nolte in "Hateship Loveship," money-thriller "13 Sins,"  "Hank and Asha," Japanese animation from "Short Peace," Marlon Wayans in "Haunted House 2," and more. LISTEN

Wanna? - What, hunt for 'shrooms? (CH)

Holy water on Holy Week comes to a head on Easter, which is based on a sacred entheogenic mushroom forage rather than bunny egg hunt. These practices are Pagan throwbacks. Yet that does not stop Catholics, Christians, and some Eastern Orthodox adherents from wanting more coverage. Well, Hollywood is obliging. And that is rarely a good thing for truth, accuracy, or the long run. So first the nice movies then the perverted sexy ones:

 

Watermark

 

Water is precious but treated poorly.

(TD) Beautifully weaving together diverse stories from the USA and Mexico (Colorado river, etc.), Canada, India and Bangladesh (Ganges), China (Yangste and the largest human construction in history), and around the globe, this documentary shows in stunning detail humanity's relationship with water through the ages. It expresses the magnitude of our need for this rapidly vanishing resource. By showing the various roles water plays in all of our lives, this breathtaking and haunting doc paints a vivid portrait of our planet, illustrating the magnificent force of nature that is being depleted before our eyes. Directed by Jennifer Baichwal, Edward Burtynsky, released in April 2014.

Bears

Disney Ambassador Jane Goodall (BT)

(CM) "Bears" is in theaters today from DisneyNature not for Easter but for Earth Day. In an epic story of breathtaking scale with the help of super heroine Jane Goodall, this new True Life Adventure "Bears," which showcases a year in the life of two mother bears as they impart life lessons to their impressionable newborn cubs. Set against a majestic Alaskan backdrop teeming with life, their journey begins as winter comes to an end and they emerge from hibernation to face the bitter cold. The world outside is exciting -- but risky -- as the tiny cubs' playful descent down the mountain carries with it a looming threat of avalanches.  The brown bear families must work together to find food, while staying safe from predators in the wilderness, including an ever-present wolf pack.

Short Peace

Short Peace (ショート・ピース Shōto Pīsu) is a compilation of four short anime films produced by Sunrise and Shochiku. The films were released in Japanese theaters in July 2013 and will be screened in North America in April 2014. Sentai Filmworks have licensed the films for North America. A video game based on the series, Rinko Tsukigime's Longest Day, released in Japan as Short Peace: Tsukigime Rinko no Ichiban Nagai Hi (ショートピース 月極蘭子のいちばん長い日), was developed by Crispy's Inc. in collaboration with Grasshopper Manufacture's Goichi Suda, and published by Bandai Namco Games for the PlayStation 3.

The Galapagos Affair: Satan Came to Eden

Let's live on a tropical island, like in the Tropic of Cancer maybe (zeitgeistfilms)

Sexual intrigue, tropical love, and utopia

Fleeing conventional society, a Berlin doctor and his mistress start a new life on uninhabited Floreana Island. But after the international press sensationalizes the sexual exploits of the Galapagos' "Adam and Eve," others flock there -- including a self-styled Swiss Family Robinson and a gun-toting Viennese Baroness and her two lovers. Clashing personalities are aggravated by the island community's lusty free-love ethos. And when some of the islanders disappear, suspicions of murder hang in the air leaving an unsolved mystery that remains the subject of local lore even today. To bring this extraordinary story to life, newly unearthed home movies of these original back-to-nature drop-outs, testimonies of modern day islanders, stunning HD footage of native flora and fauna, and powerful voice performances are interwoven. Macabre yet inspiring, "The Galapagos Affair" is a gripping parable of adventure and utopian dreams gone awry. This biography/documentary (NR) is directed by Dayna Goldfine and Dan Geller. The cast includes Cate Blanchett, Diane Kruger, Connie Nielsen, Sebastian Koch, Thomas Kretschmann, Gustaf Skarsgård, and Josh Radnor.

 

Fading Gigolo

Hey, they weren't my biological daughters

(MC) Accused child molested (WQ) Woody Allen made a movie about a threesome, prostitution, and a Don Juan gigolo? No, some John did. He just co-stars. Synopsis: Fioravante decides to become a professional Don Juan as a way of making money to help his cash-strapped friend, Murray. With Murray as "manager," the duo quickly find themselves caught up in the crosscurrents of love and money. (Featuring John Turturro, Sofia Vergara, Vanessa Paradis, Liev Schreiber, Sharon Stone, Woody Allen, and not directed by an accused pedophile whom Scarlett Johansson defends as unindicted and Mia Farrow condemns as unconvicted).

Under the Skin

Earth boys are easy, and I'm a bad deva.

REVIEW: Shelly and J.S. talk about crude sex goddess Scarlett Johansson's role in Johnathan Glazer's film, and Scarlett chimes in, too. What is great about this very creepy "alien sex fiend" movie is that a lot of it was filmed with unsuspecting men using hidden cameras. They don't know this is Johansson, and they don't know it's a movie. She picks up hitchhikers and kills them. But they're happy to get in the car because a beautiful female is doing the inviting. One is reminded of a certain yakshini who recently made the news (FTZ).

Nymph()maniac

"Nymphomaniac: Volume II" from Denmark and starring Charlotte Gainsbourg is directed by Lars Van Trier co-starring Shia LaBeouf and Willem Dafoe. It is the continuation of Joe's sexually dictated life as it delves into the darker aspects of her adult life and what led to her being in Seligman's care.

Transcendence

 

We love Will power! - Me, too, kids.

Depp as Dr. Will Caster examines the promise and threat of AI (artificial intelligence) as he works to create a sentient machine that combines the collective intelligence of everything ever known with the full range of human emotions. His highly controversial experiments make him famous, but they also make him the prime target of anti-technology extremists who will do whatever it takes to stop him. As they attempt to destroy "Will," they inadvertently become the catalyst for him to succeed -- to be a participant in his own transcendence. Should his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) and best friend Max Waters (Paul Bettany), both fellow researchers, stop him? Can they? Will's thirst for knowledge evolves into a what seems an omnipresent quest for power.

• VIDEO: Real face of Jesus/St. Issa on Shroud of Turin
• Math Heads: DO MATH IN YOUR HEAD! - Math Bites with Danica "Winnie" McKellar (Nerdist)
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O, Christmas: Shaman Santa Cometh! (video)

Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ashley Wells, Pat Macpherson, Wisdom Quarterly; John Allegro

Was "Santa" originally a Siberian/Scandinavian shaman distributing magic mushrooms?

Reindeer-drawn sleigh in pagan Scandinavia, the Norwegian Lapland (visitnorway.com)

 

Budai (Elysia in Wonderland)

We love the holiday season -- not because of the crass commercialism, family fights, or endless droning of Judeo-Christian Xmas TV specials around the house.

No, it is because scholarly research has shown us the true origins of the Santa Claus.

It is not, as the Catholic Christians say, Saint Nick(olas). But we'll have to check in with Megyn Kelly and Jon Stewart for the ongoing debate about that as Stephen Colbert and Bill O'Reilly weigh in.

The indigenous Scandinavians, the Sami, and their shaman ways tied to reindeer and magic mushrooms: Introducing Santa

 

Weihnachten means Krampus

No, it is a Scandinavian/Siberian tale of something that really happened and happens -- a custom, a ritual, something to look forward to in the cold of winter. Across Siberia and Norwegian-Swedish-Finnish Lapland, among the indigenous peoples, the blond Sami and brunette (pre-Buddhist) Mongolians, the local shaman gathered the entheogen mushrooms.

• (Many Buddhists are Russians, and many more are Mongolian-Siberians, Central Asians, and inhabitants of Europe's only indigenously Buddhist country, Kalmykia).

Amanita mushrooms on pine needle floor

The red and white gifts from Mother Nature sprung up under and around pine trees. Big gifts come in small packages. Each family got its share, delivered by reindeer-drawn sleigh to hut houses with prominent chimneys burning away. The shaman came in the front door, made his moist distribution, which were in dire need of drying to preserve and maximize their effectiveness. (A chemical conversion process takes place through heating, drying, or boiling).

• Why pine trees? Is it because they are evergreen and therefore a symbol of fertility? Partly as birthrates nine months down the road show, but mainly because these fly agaric mushrooms (Amanita muscaria) have a symbiotic relationship with the roots of pine trees. Not much can grow in the bed of dropped needles, a chemical plant strategy to enhance the success of their species by more or less sterilizing adjacent ground and minimizing competition.

Paul Stamets: the world's first "Internet" or communication Web, Mycelium "Running"

  

Mushrooms communicate very well.

The driest and warmest place to accomplish this was above an open fire, in the hearth, in convenient stockings that that hung their. Stocking stuffers, to the delight of Kris Kringles and toadstool-loving gnomes and sprinkling-fairies and mischievous elves who haunted residents with their poltergeist activities. These elementals really went to work, activities which became visible to those consuming the Forest's offerings. No one knew better than the reindeer themselves, with perhaps the exception of old jolly (delirious) Saint Shaman. They "fly" in two senses, high as the sky thanks to licking the snow and trotting, prancing, bounding as they pull.

  

Jolly Budai or Hotei with his sack and candy (Dbonyun/flickr.com)

Massive Budai (melissahardytrevenna)

• Eventually the legend of an obese saintly man carrying a big sack of gifts to give out drifted Far(ther) East from Siberia to China and made it to Buddhist Asia. In addition to Scandinavian shaman "Santa" in his white and red furs, there is Chinese shraman "Santa" in his patchwork saffron robes: Budai (Hotei) Bodhisattva, the "fat, happy Laughing Buddha" as he is almost universally regarded. He was actually a historical figure, a jolly and rotund Buddhist monk who went about carrying a sack of treats to give to children.

Another Mushroom Link

Jesus was a mushroom -- no, really, he was!

If we were to say that Saint Issa (of "Jesus Christ" fame) was a mushroom, we would be scorned and ridiculed -- charged with hooliganism and inciting religious hatred like our Russian colleagues. But it is not we who say such a strange thing. 

It is preeminent, banned-by-the-Vatican scholar John M. Allegro (johnallegro.org) -- author of The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross, familiar with many texts in Christian languages (Aramaic, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, English) -- who figured it out.

 

The would-be Satan or Santa?

He was such a towering figure in Christian theology that he could not be dismissed. So his work, originally titled "The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross: A Study of the Nature and Origins of Christianity Within the Fertility Cults of the Ancient Near East," was banned.

 

What does Allegro mean when claiming that the sacred sage Jesus (a former Buddhist monk according to the BBC), son-of-god (Sanskrit devaputra, anyone reborn among celestial devas, son-of-man, anyone reborn in our manusya loka, Human Plane, as the offspring-of-humans), Jewish revolutionary (renegade rabbi), and presumptive Vajrayana "Maitreya" (Messiah, the new Mithra), was a "mushroom"?

Ye olde Xmas catalogs (wishbook)

Was he the Nazarene Leader of the Essenes or "Jesus Christ," whose name is actually a title meaning "Yahshua the Redeemer"?

Of course, Jesus of Nazareth may have been a good Middle Eastern man and troublemaker (or an exiled dynastic Egyptian trying to gather up an army to attack the Pharaoh), but he only lived on in legend as the "greatest person who ever lived" (Jesus Christ superstar) because clever esoteric Essene/Jewish cultists embodied the lore of magic mushrooms in the name of this obscure figure.

Sami (Erika Larsen/NYTimes.com)

He returned to Nazareth or Jerusalem, Palestine (or Ethiopia, or Egypt) from 18 "lost years" in Kashmir, India. (See scholar Holger Kersten). He was preaching something new, which the mushroom cult adopted as a cover story. Christianity grew to greatness not as the religion of this godman-sadhu-guru, as we are we taught in the West, but as the amalgamation of Euro Pagan Greco-Roman syncretism -- appropriating (borrowing) everything but calling it by new names to fit its take-over-the-world theology.

• 

  Xmas in Japan = money

  Why do so many people claim Jesus/Y'shua as their own -- Jews, Greeks, imperial Holy Romans, Egyptians (Coptics), Tibetan Buddhists (who consider him a tulku, rimpoche, or even as Maitreya Buddha), Persians (who see him as Mithra), and so on and so on? It is because Christianity misappropriated parts of Jesus' life story to fabricate the greatest story every sold/told. It worked. Catholicism/Christianity can claim about three billion adherents, at least nominally, twice the number of Buddhists (when China's billion Buddhists, formerly counted as "atheists" in officially-communist China, are classified correctly in census records).

(TTW) Allegro on the mycological origins of Jesus Christ (Min. 1:50)

 

Scandinavian shaman fairyland

The Essenes -- mystic-monastic Jews, forerunners of the Gnostics, with a monasticism for spiritual striving that was new to the Near East/West (rather than the traditional rabbinical/priestly family integration) -- would have been lost to history. But the message that we are all "GOD," that we are of a divine nature (i.e., have the potential to become devas and brahmas when we are reborn again as spiritus, "light beings," subtle matter of the Fine Material Sphere), that an entheogen like magic mushrooms draws out and makes evident, was too good to lose.

Allegro figured out and published how Jesus came to be conflated with magic mushroom lore, but that he was, of that Allegro was absolutely convinced.

Garden gnome Budai

What motivated Budai/Hotei Bodhisattva to gain weight, distribute treats, and be so happy, that we do not know. Wandering Buddhist monks, called shramans, are like that.

More importantly, what will Wisdom Quarterly staff be doing for Christmas, the Pagan holiday of gift giving and merriment? Eating traditional Chinese food, rubbing Budai's belly for luck, reading our fortunes in the folds of inedible cookies, visiting family and friends to collect and distribute gifts just as Buddhist Lisa Simpson would have us do (any maybe this year there will finally be a wrapped pony under the plastic tree), and Xmas Eve meditation at Against the Stream.

(ML) A Very Pagan Xmas: The True Origins of Christmas

 

Everything we "know" about Christmas we don't. Iranian Mithra has more to do with it than Israeli Jesus. Every common holiday misconception is cracked wide open. The producers who unmasked Halloween now unwrap Christmas. This is a must see for seekers of truth. It recounts Biblical tales. But was Dec. 25th Jesus' birthday? Why do we decorate a pine tree, put lights up, teach children to believe in St. Nicholas, or Santa and his magical reindeer? Paganism. Christendom adopted popular customs; it did not invent them. This will be the Season for Reason when the real story of Christmas is known. For once our eyes are open, Christmas may never close them again.

  

Paul Stamets' Fungi Perfecti (fungi.com)

 

The Sami or Lapp

Sami girl in kolt (visitnorway)

Lapp means a "patch of cloth" for mending. Thus, the name suggests that the Sami are wearing patched garments [just as India's "shamans," the Buddhist shramanas, or "wandering ascetics" (some say bhikkhu/ni originally meant "one who picks up  or makes use of discarded rags for clothing") wear patched robes], a derogatory term and one that needs to be replaced. The word "Laplander" is also problematic since that could mean any person who lives within this region, even non-natives. Finally, there's a part of the Sami population who always have lived outside the region of "Lapland" such as the Sami of Sweden, Jemtland, and Härjedalen. (Editor: One Sami word that made it into several major languages is tundra, which speaks volumes about this part of the world). More

• PHOTOS: Reindeer, dishes, and Sami (New York Times)